SI is awful

[itsgone2]

It's not even about pulling the trigger, it's shutting my body down from fear of the gun range/store.
It's not about stepping off the stool; it not even going to the shed in the first place.
It's stops everything. Distracts. Lies.
Going to try a new approach. Order gun online and pick up at sporting goods store. We shall see. I can't live with this level of anxiety anymore.

Interested to hear if anyone struggles to even attempt

 

[l5xington]

I definitely have my struggles. I'm not financially well off enough to afford the method I've been ruminating over, but I already have an innate fear of the thought of ctb. It's natural, albeit annoying

 

[ZwartHartje]

Right, those who claim that it's an "easy way out" or let alone even "cowardly" have absolutely no idea at all! Obviously they've never seriously considered what it takes or how to even go about it. I think only once someone is really, really serious about it will they see how hard it actually is.

 

[never mind me]

I'm in the same boat. I can go as far as attaching a rope to a door knob or a tree and possibly to put a noose around my neck, if I am standing on something firm (i.e. knowing I can easily reverse), but that's about as far as I manage to go. I guess in my specific case it also has to do with the fact that I still hope that my medical problem that causes me to be suicidal can be solved (as apparently is the case in over 50% of cases), but I am feeling more and more hopeless as time passes and treatment doesn't have any affect. I am wondering how much longer I need to suffer to be finally able to overcome SI.