Should you take others into consideration

[Bruces]

If things are so bad should you refrain from ctb because of others?

 

[Soul]

It depends, I reckon, @Bruces. Who are the others you're thinking of?

 

[FriendofDeath]

I'd say it's a very personal and individual decision. I know some would say (me included most of the time) that staying is for the other people's benefit, and you would be told that it was selfish to go. On the other hand, it's selfish for others to do what is in their power to make you stay. Personally, for me at this moment in time, I expect to remain to be here for my mother and my cats. But it's always an option. If it gets to be too much, I'd have to go.

 

[Theresa Riot]

Same. My cats have kept me alive literally thousands of times. I know that when I kill myself, my mom won't be far behind me, and then who will take care of my babies?

But eventually it won't be enough to keep me here. I just don't know how to rehome my cats without my mom knowing exactly why I'm doing it.

 

[Bct]

I care about my dad but it's not a big consideration for me to stay alive just for his sake.

 

[Jean Améry]

Ultimately that's something you'll have to decide for yourself. No-one here knows your precise circumstances so it's really not for us to evaluate let alone decide.

I do think in general it's wise and humane to carefully consider the likely impact on others and weigh it against one's own suffering and specific circumstances. We do have obligations to those around us (in so far as they've made positive contributions to our lives) but personally I don't think they are absolute, i.e. always take precedence over one's own self-interest.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I'm not personally allowing the feelings of others to impact my decision, but I wholeheartedly admire anyone who's considerate enough to provide a service of sorts in staying alive for the sake of others.

A lot of us have the privilege of not being in utterly unbearable torment, and we can remind ourselves that even a healthy life isn't really a long life.

You know you, and your situation. Nobody can really make that evaluation for you.

 

[Bruces]

Ideally I'd like to be caught up in an accident that wasn't my fault

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Asking the wrong question tbh. It's not 'should you' it's 'do you want to.' Death is seen as fundamentally sad by a lot of people and if you have any connection with anyone chances are they are going to be upset. It's up to you whether that's a reality you're okay with or whether you'd rather push aside your feelings for the sake of other people.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Other people don't matter. Only you do.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I personally would not take others into consideration. I dont believe I should keep suffering for the sake of others. If I had kids, this would be a different story, but since I don't, no.

 

[Saga]

for me though I always think that i shouldn't consider since they dont see me as a human being anyway

 

[Desi]

Definitely what's holding me back. The people I care for are young. I would't want my decision to hurt them more than necesary or mess them up. Still haven't found how to mitigate that risk, it's a conundrum.
The other thing is : do I really love them if I'm ready to never see them again? Leads to more self hatred, in general, this question.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I have to repeatedly remind myself to not take into undue consideration those who consistently show me no consideration.

There's being a better person, and then there's rationalizing being a doormat to continue to serve others who refuse to serve in their roles and who refuse reciprocity. I have to remind myself I'm not acting out of revenge or to victimize them, because those are old guilt messages that try to stop me from doing what is best for me. They certainly gave no fucks when their lack of consideration, concern, or compassion had negative impacts on me, so why am I going overboard in doing the same for them? There's no equanimity in that, no balance. It's virtue turned to vice -- turned to obstinacy, madness, and romantic but unrealistic martyrdom.

 

[fatmanatee]

I have to repeatedly remind myself to not take into undue consideration those who consistently show me no consideration.

There's being a better person, and then there's rationalizing being a doormat to continue to serve others who refuse to serve in their roles and who refuse reciprocity. I have to remind myself I'm not acting out of revenge or to victimize them, because those are old guilt messages that try to stop me from doing what is best for me. They certainly gave no fucks when their lack of consideration, concern, or compassion had negative impacts on me, so why am I going overboard in doing the same for them? There's no equanimity in that, no balance. It's virtue turned to vice -- turned to obstinacy, madness, and romantic but unrealistic martyrdom.

Those are some epic words. Thank you.

 

[NoPlaceForme]

Ultimately that is your decision to make. People will say they want you to stay and be happy but ultimately they do not want to suffer from your passing. But, forcing you to stay and suffer, in my opinion, is worse. Nobody asks to be here, if you decide it is right for you to leave, that is your choice. Though I will minimize my damage as much as I can. However, if you decide you want to stay for others it can get difficult if you still feel hopeless about yourself.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Those are some epic words. Thank you.

Thanks. And you're welcome. I developed it all with a lot of self-work and focused study and am glad it had a positive impact. For some of it, I stood on the shoulders of others who came before me and whose teachings I value. The learning about guilt messages came from reading the book Boundaries. Balance and equanimity came from a lot of sources, including Stoicism, secular Buddhism, and a bit of Boundaries and other relationship and trauma healing sources. The last sentence about virtue turning to vice was inspired by Montaigne's essay, "One is punished for defending a place obstinately without reason," in which he cautioned overdoing valor.

 

[MaisieWilliamsLover]

Only if you have children depending on you.