Help Should I still prepare for the exam if I’m planning to end my life in two days?

[Ekim]

So my exam is on 11th May but the thing is on this upcoming 8th May on birthday I'm going to CTB the thing is I'm afraid I'm just a coward who keeps postponing her date I've been doing the same thing since January like waiting for something very bad to happen to me and using this as a trigger to attempt CTB but I can't you know I want to prepare for this exam but whenever I try to study this thing comes 'Why study when you'll kys soon?' I can't I force myself to study yet 24/7 this thought doesn't leave me alone I end up either sleeping or talking with my friends on insta I'm wasting my days I'm scared what if I don't attempt CTB on 8th May? I don't want another failure in my life please someone help me am I being lazy? or ignorant towards my exam? I'm so confused if possible give me motivation to study or to live because I can't please.

 

[medinjured521]

Study

 

[last-counting-days]

Do you like to study? Do you need to give the exam?

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

Do you have people in your life that love you? Family? Friends? If so, then you have reason not to hurt yourself. And you keep putting it off anyway. Human instinct is to live. You are still very young with lots of years left for things to get better. Just debating whether you should study or not shows that you want to keep going. Study. Have your exam. Love your your people. Life your life. Things can get better.

 

[Seneca65AD]

Absolutely study. Think of it this way: If you study, you still have options if you decide not to CTB.

I had the exact same thought as you when I was in law school approximately 30 years ago: I'm going to CTB, so why write tomorrow's exam? Well, I looked at my track record regarding suicidal ideations and it really wasn't that good. Between non-attempts and failed attempts, I had a better chance of pulling an all-nighter studying and passing the exam than I did actually being successful in checking out.

So, I ordered a large pizza and spent the night hitting the books - and I passed - not with the greatest mark but at least I wrote the damn thing. So, pick yourself up and start with 10 pages and then another 10, etc. Pretty soon you will be ready for the test. Also, only focus on the future. I find people who are suicidal by nature spend so much time focussing on the "what ifs" and "coulda's" in life that 90% of our existence is focussing on shit that already happened and the other 10% is bad stuff that we "expect" to happen but never does.

Give it a shot, write the test and report back here how you did.

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

A counselor of mine asked me, "what if in spite of everything you do, there's a 1 percent chance you'll survive, because it wasn't your time yet?"

To which I answered, "that's what I'm counting on".

Therefore, do what you think is best and let tomorrow worry about itself.

 

[if_i_make_it]

you study and end up CTB: no harm done
you don't study and CTB: no harm done
you study and don't CTB: you pass ! yay :)
you don't study and don't CTB: you don't do well/add more stress to your life.

You don't lose out on anything by studying, so just do it :)

 

[snowboard9098]

Lmao I'm in the same situation. I'm locking in for my exams and then attempting. It's difficult to hold myself over though

 

[Imausername]

yes. study. im acting like my life is normal. well im trying my hardest to act like eveything is normal. When i go it will be sudden

 

[name2come]

I get it, and I've definitely kicked some cans down the road that I hope not to deal with, but for the time being I'm living my life as if it will continue. That doesn't make you a coward. If your time runs out, so be it, but maybe you aren't done yet. Savoring yourself won't make anything easier, it just creates more anxiety, panic, and despair. I don't need that right and I suspect you don't either.