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M

Minas

Member
Jun 14, 2024
50
My dream is to kill myself in a very bloody, painful way, and not... feel fear or terror of any kind. I already self harm, and... as much as i try to learn to enjoy all the suffering that comes in my way, I just can't. I can't ever start feeling okay with it, For some reason i was never able to feel any sort of permanent, true happiness with getting hurt.

I wanted my death to feel good, I wanted to start accepting my own suffering, and what better way to do that than to learn to see pain as a good thing i should desire?

It's just like that post of "methods you shouldn't try" said. My stupid brain is hard wired to prevent me from killing myself like this, it just won't let me hurt myself further.

But if i begin taking drugs... I can circumvent that, can't I?
 
Mirrory Me

Mirrory Me

"More then your eyes can see..."
Mar 23, 2023
1,228
Why should it be pleasurable to cause yourself pain? If you hit your head against the wall, it shouldn't feel good.

Not all drugs are worth trying, they can cause worse problems, for example in terms of mental health or addiction.

Cannabis is probably the least harmful, but it can have a surprising effect on your consciousness and other aspects of your life if you do it recklessly.
 
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killorbekilled

killorbekilled

manhwa reader, mentally unwell
Oct 3, 2024
65
Drugs are the one thing I will not try. I hate the sense of euphoria and happiness that comes with them because it's 'fake'. I'd rather stay like this than have fake happiness. I don't know if drugs would be the best option, but I don't have any other suggestions.
 
M

Minas

Member
Jun 14, 2024
50

Drugs are the one thing I will not try. I hate the sense of euphoria and happiness that comes with them because it's 'fake'. I'd rather stay like this than have fake happiness. I don't know if drugs would be the best option, but I don't have any other suggestions.
I'm sorry, but if i can't be happy normally, then i would rather be happy with something that is fake. Atleast it's... something. My very own happiness, the only happiness i will be able to get for myself.
Drugs are the one thing I will not try. I hate the sense of euphoria and happiness that comes with them because it's 'fake'. I'd rather stay like this than have fake happiness. I don't know if drugs would be the best option, but I don't have any other suggestions.
I'm sorry, but if i can't be happy normally, then i would rather be happy with something that is fake. Atleast it's... something. My very own happiness, the only happiness i will be able to get for myself.
Why should it be pleasurable to cause yourself pain? If you hit your head against the wall, it shouldn't feel good.

Not all drugs are worth trying, they can cause worse problems, for example in terms of mental health or addiction.

Cannabis is probably the least harmful, but it can have a surprising effect on your consciousness and other aspects of your life if you do it recklessly.
... well it shouldn't. But I don't have any other options for giving myself true happiness. The pain, the sense of being worthless and nothing more than a toy of flesh for other people to freely use, it will always be there. And I want to learn to live with it in the best way possible: By learning to enjoy it instead of "dealing with it" and letting it hurt me.



I am not even sure if cannabis is legal in my country too (Brazil).
 
Last edited:
M

Musiclover338

Member
Sep 25, 2024
29
at least try cbd or weed thca is legal many places

definitely use to make me feel better
 
M

Musiclover338

Member
Sep 25, 2024
29
from personal experience once a resistance/tolerance builds up you can switch to a different strain and it should work or go on a break for a few days or weeks

its addicting i might add so be prepared to spend alot of money if you like it
What if i end up developing a resistance to it later on?
 

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