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Should I buy SN?

W

Willbegonesoon

M/38
Aug 13, 2020
12
I really don't know if I should buy SN or not. I'm afraid that if I have it, I would really CTB.
I will never get over the things that are making me suicidal and I am under time pressure: if I decide to go, I should go ASAP because of my kid: she is still small enough to "forget me". The more I wait, the more I will ruin her life. If I go now, she will have a very hard time for a while but later she won't really have any memories of me so she won't miss me and won't feel the pain.
What whould you do? Should I buy my SN or not?
 
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Reactions: Deleted member 19654 and Mr2005
L

Lordsudbury

Specialist
Jul 26, 2020
306
Personally I don't really understand parents who want to CTB. Maybe because my father left me but if I had a kid I would do everything in my power to be there for them and make their life awesome. So no, if you're afraid of actually CTB I think you should hang on for your kid and put your energy into life together.
 
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Reactions: Midnight-rain and Deleted member 19654
Deleted member 19654

Deleted member 19654

Working towards recovery.
Jul 9, 2020
1,627
She may not have any memories of you but I don't know if she'll be able to forget the fact that you chose to CTB.
 
L

Lordsudbury

Specialist
Jul 26, 2020
306
Yeah, my dad killed himself and that is forever in my subconscious as a normalized coping method for distress now
 
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Reactions: Deleted member 19654
W

Willbegonesoon

M/38
Aug 13, 2020
12
Lordsudbury said:
Personally I don't really understand parents who want to CTB. Maybe because my father left me but if I had a kid I would do everything in my power to be there for them and make their life awesome. So no, if you're afraid of actually CTB I think you should hang on for your kid and put your energy into life together.
Click to expand...
That's what I'm trying to do so far. But kids grow up and I don't want her to see a useless and depressed dad.
I'm trying to think in long term and I'm not sure she's not better off without me. It's shit but that's how I feel.
Lordsudbury said:
Yeah, my dad killed himself and that is forever in my subconscious as a normalized coping method for distress now
Click to expand...
I'm really sorry about that. May I ask how old were you?
 
L

Lordsudbury

Specialist
Jul 26, 2020
306
Well he left when I was 6 months old and I never met him but learned he took his life just last year when I was 31.
 
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