Venting Short term anxiety gone, but nothing’s changed

[savoytruffle]

Finally came clean to my family about switching universities (maths to computer science). I'm a complete NEET dependent on my family so any decision i make impacts them as well, because im a burden on their resources and they deserve to know wtf I'm doing with my life. They took it okay, still kind of reserved. I feel like although a weight has been lifted off my chest, in the end it's all pointless. I just came clean so i don't have to have short term anxiety anymore, but it ultimately changes nothing. I cant function in society, I look into their eyes and i can see failure reflected back for all the chances i had to get us out of poverty that i let go because I was weak. All the money wasted on me that continues to be wasted. A black hole where it disappears into and spits out trash. Never had a life plan apart from killing myself, never thought I'd live past 18 and now I'm well past that and i don't know what to do it's all hopeless

I'm going to catch my overdue bus and finally get relief from my mentally ill mind, and get my family some peace too. I know they'll be absolutely crushed at first, but it's better than living with them until I'm 40 and truly hopeless. I just want some peace. It's so difficult

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so tiring and depressing and I know that it is hard to carry on when you suffer so much. I also just want peace as well and I'm sorry that everything is so hopeless. I wish you relief from suffering in whatever happens.