I really want to do it again

[lucretiareverie]

It's been a while since I've posted here. I've been clean for a bit, and things have looked pretty good. But I still have felt the urge. I feel like my past, what has happened to me, is inescapable. I feel hopeless.

The main thing that has been stopping me is not pain but the state my body will be found in. I really don't want my family to see my dead body. I can't be that selfish.

 

[FrustratedMTFtrans]

It's been a while since I've posted here. I've been clean for a bit, and things have looked pretty good. But I still have felt the urge. I feel like my past, what has happened to me, is inescapable. I feel hopeless.

The main thing that has been stopping me is not pain but the state my body will be found in. I really don't want my family to see my dead body. I can't be that selfish.

The only way to avoid the problem of the family seeing the body, also not in the morgue, would be to have a method in which the body disappears, never to be seen. Drowning in deep water with weights attached or getting swallowed up by concrete pouring spring to mind. As does getting oneself killed by someone who takes care of body disposal. An example of the latter is the case of 32-year old Sonia Exelby, who arranged in October 2025 to be killed by a man by getting him to stab her to death, which he did, then buried her body. If it had been done without leaving a trail of evidence, it would have meant her body not being found.

If these options are not chosen, the least that can be done is to avoid hanging, as it leaves an unsightly mark on the neck. And to choose overdosing with drugs or other subtances, although some, like SN involve cyanosis, making parts of the body, fingertips, nails, lips, take on a bluish tinge. Females and MTF transgirls among us will want to look pretty for those who find us by the way we dress, make up, do our nails, so it's less distressing. Some here favor blue make-up and a blue dress to match the cyanosis blue to a certain extent.

 

[iCryInMySecretSpot]

Females and MTF transgirls among us will want to look pretty for those who find us by the way we dress, make up, do our nails, so it's less distressing.

lol when i fantasize/daydream of my suicide, i think of how pretty ill look with my eyes closed. ill shower beforehand and do my hair routine so my hair is curly. im a cis man. peak mental illness

 

[houseofleaves]

The only way to avoid the problem of the family seeing the body, also not in the morgue, would be to have a method in which the body disappears, never to be seen. Drowning in deep water with weights attached or getting swallowed up by concrete pouring spring to mind.

Bad advice. They will find the body. It will look as awful as you can imagine.

If these options are not chosen, the least that can be done is to avoid hanging, as it leaves an unsightly mark on the neck. And to choose overdosing with drugs or other subtances, although some, like SN involve cyanosis, making parts of the body, fingertips, nails, lips, take on a bluish tinge.

Just my two cents, but I've talked to parents whose son chose SN. They said it was looking like he just was sleeping, very peaceful. They found him after it's been roughly 4 hours after death from what I know. Still, I've read some reports that show people who used SN looking quite gruesome, so take this with a grain of salt.

Females and MTF transgirls among us will want to look pretty for those who find us

Dunno why but the phrasing gives me the ick. It's not a universal experience, wanting to look pretty. It's a valid feeling but it's not like every woman has it.