Venting She left me.

[Alex_Was_Here]

My partner of five years left me, I don't know what to do anymore. She made me want more, she made me want a future with her. I had no intentions of living past 20 and she kept egging me on to grow old with her until I wanted that. But now shes gone, and I'm desperately trying to find anyone to just love me the way she did, but I can't. I can't just move on from everything we had. But it's over and we talked and shes done and I wasn't enough, I didn't do enough. I let her down and now I'm alone and I'm hurting and I just want to be held by someone who cares about me the way I did for her. I don't want to have to leave the home we made together, but she doesn't want me here anymore. I've been looking around and the SN method seems pretty straightforward. I'm not sure what else I would do, I don't have anything anymore. My sister is willing to take me in back in Chicago but I don't have a home anymore, I don't have a job anymore. I don't have a place to put my half of the life we built together or a way to move it all. I'm done man, I wanna give up. It would be so easy to just give up. I don't belong here, I don't fit correctly, I don't think normally, and I don't work like other people do. It's embarrassing, I didn't succeed. I failed and I'm drowning in it.

 

[TBONTB]

I'm so sorry for this. You sound heartbroken.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I'm so sorry for this. You sound heartbroken.

I can't stop crying dude, it hurts so much. I just keep trying to distract myself but what else am I supposed to think about while packing up my side our shit, you know? I just keep remembering all the good times we had, every time I pick something else up it brings me back to the day we got it together and decided to take it home, to add it to our home.

 

[Alice.]

I'm so sorry man. I couldn't imagine going through this with my bf. Do you wanna talk about what happened?

 

[eternalpace]

I'm sorry this happened. I know the feeling and it's beyond gut-wrenching.

 

[TBONTB]

Crying is okay, hurting is okay. I won't say that it won't always feel this way, but it won't.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I'm so sorry man. I couldn't imagine going through this with my bf. Do you wanna talk about what happened?

I think I just wasn't ready. She was raised really well, she had a passion and a drive to get shit done. I grew up having to rely on myself, to isolate, I never got raised as much as I got yelled at and beat. I just didn't do enough, she needed someone she could rely on and I didn't have and still have any motivation to get up sometimes? To be around other people? To grow? I just feel stuck all the time and I don't do anything to fix it? But I want to, more than anything I want to be better but I don't and I feel terrible I feel like it validates everything.

 

[rs929]

I know the feeling. I don't recommend looking forward to CTB in this moment. You're in pain but breakup pain eventually ends.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I'm sorry this happened. I know the feeling and it's beyond gut-wrenching.

I just didn't think it would end like this. I just wanted everything we had planned. I just wanted more and I didn't do enough.

Crying is okay, hurting is okay. I won't say that it won't always feel this way, but it won't.

I know, I know. It just feels like too much this time. She was the best thing in my life, she made me want to be better and I thought I was getting better, I did. But it wasn't enough and it wasn't fast enough.

I know the feeling. I don't recommend looking forward to CTB in this moment. You're in pain but breakup pain eventually ends.

I know better, I use to think about it all the time. I stopped, I felt better and I was done with it for the most part. But it's all coming back, like a fucking dam breaking.
It's our home man. I don't wanna leave our home. I don't want to go.

 

[ForestGhost]

I don't want to say hollow words about how "it will get better", but... time might soften the pain a bit. Breakups are not much different than withdrawals from powerful drugs. I hope you can feel a bit of relief soon. I can really feel your distress and I'm so sorry.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I don't want to say hollow words about how "it will get better", but... time might soften the pain a bit. Breakups are not much different than withdrawals from powerful drugs. I hope you can feel a bit of relief soon. I can really feel your distress and I'm so sorry.

That's a good comparison, and I get it. I feel like it's easy for "it will get better" to feel empty? But it means a lot right now that anyone cares to reply, to relate, and understand. It hurts more than I can describe or put into words. I feel so alone right now, she won't even spend these last two days here while I pack, she isn't here to see what it's doing to me, and thats great for her man. But I don't have anyone to go to now, and it's hurting me more and more, it hurts to breathe, it hurts to cry, it hurts to feel. My heart is aching and yet I can't feel it anymore.

 

[At The Bus Stop]

Hey man, I just wanted to post to empathise with you. I'm in the exact same boat as you, I'm a month a long the line of a 7 year relationship and it hasn't gotten any easier. I'm not sure how you guys ended, positive or negative, but sometimes that has a big impact on the emotions on the other side.

I'm more than happy to sit in a chat with you, and just talk shit out if you need it - we can share our story, good or bad, and hope that the conversation creates enough of a safe space that we can try and see the light at the end of the tunnel for both of us.

Without regurgitating what others are saying, we were always taught that time heals all wounds - which has some truth behind it. But, it is incredibly difficult when the thing that caused you pain, was so integrated with your life, that it can be very difficult to even know what progression looks like. A message that I felt meant a lot, was that once you reach a stage of being able to think/talk about it, without crying - you're healing.

I wont take over your post, with my story, but everything you're saying - I'm going through too. And, maybe bouncing our stories off each other can help us both. It's an option there if you need it. But I wish you the best in your healing nonetheless.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

Hey man, I just wanted to post to empathise with you. I'm in the exact same boat as you, I'm a month a long the line of a 7 year relationship and it hasn't gotten any easier. I'm not sure how you guys ended, positive or negative, but sometimes that has a big impact on the emotions on the other side.

I'm more than happy to sit in a chat with you, and just talk shit out if you need it - we can share our story, good or bad, and hope that the conversation creates enough of a safe space that we can try and see the light at the end of the tunnel for both of us.

Without regurgitating what others are saying, we were always taught that time heals all wounds - which has some truth behind it. But, it is incredibly difficult when the thing that caused you pain, was so integrated with your life, that it can be very difficult to even know what progression looks like. A message that I felt meant a lot, was that once you reach a stage of being able to think/talk about it, without crying - you're healing.

I wont take over your post, with my story, but everything you're saying - I'm going through too. And, maybe bouncing our stories off each other can help us both. It's an option there if you need it. But I wish you the best in your healing nonetheless.

We're trying to end it on good terms, we trying to stick it out as friends, but it's hard not to want more, it's hard not to delude myself and think in a months time we'll get back together. Maybe theres a chance we could patch things up, but I don't know if I'm just trying to force something thats not going to happen, I don't know if thats just a delusion and if she's already looking for someone else. I'm stuck in wanting to push myself back into her life and not wanting to be around her. I want her to be happy and right now that means with out me, it means being on the outside of what we had together, and I don't want to move on but I can't sit and watch her move on either. It would break me so much more.

Of course, it's easy to hear that and take it the wrong way. I know that all I want is for things to stop hurting and for it be right and fixed right now, but thats not going to happen. That will only make it worse, I need to give it time, and things will either get better or they won't. I just hate how every minute feels like an hour now, how every day feels like two, how draining it is to not be with her. How isolating it feels, I start to lose my shit, and look for her to be there and she's just not here anymore.

I don't know where I am right now, if I'm numb or hopeful after talking to her. But I don't wanna hope and rely on the possibility we might fix things. I'm scared this will turn into a slow burn. I'm scared I'll be a month or three in waiting for her and she'll have moved on. I hate that she still loves me but doesn't love me anymore. But I'm happy she doesn't want me to be a stranger, she doesn't want me to be nobody to her. But I'm scared where that'll leave me. I don't wanna spend theses holidays alone, without her.

I appreciate it a lot, it means a lot to reach out and even wanna talk. If our shit is riding the same line, then I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'm sorry you have to be here. But I appreciate you being here and seeing someone else going through it and being able to offer a hand, despite still going through it. I don't think I could do that in my current head space. I think I'm open to chat, sometime soon, I'm still moving out and I'm pretty sure it'll be cool to talk to someone once it's all said and done.

 

[aria_of_a_dream]

Love is a curse more often then not

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

Love is a curse more often then not

So far it's been one for one, I just love getting cursed dude. I hate that it still happening, that I still "need" more character development. Till maybe someday I get it right.

 

[RimeOfTheAncient]

This is the dark side of love, real true love, that shows up sometimes. I'm sorry it has for you, give it time, and just try to live one day, hour, minute at a time.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

This is the dark side of love, real true love, that shows up sometimes. I'm sorry it has for you, give it time, and just try to live one day, hour, minute at a time.

Yeah, I'll keep waiting. I really don't have much of choice in it anyway. I just need to keep waiting and hurting. Until it stops.

 

[BeyondSurvival]

Something very similar happened to me too. Everything lost its meaning. I was just like you, I couldn't stop crying for days. She was the one I belonged to, but now she's gone forever. It's been almost a year and a half. It changed me. It killed something inside me and dulled my emotions. But at least the intense pain from the beginning is gone, and I feel like I'm capable of love again, to some degree at least.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

Something very similar happened to me too. Everything lost its meaning. I was just like you, I couldn't stop crying for days. She was the one I belonged to, but now she's gone forever. It's been almost a year and a half. It changed me. It killed something inside me and dulled my emotions. But at least the intense pain from the beginning is gone, and I feel like I'm capable of love again, to some degree at least.

I feel like I'm withering away. I'm so alone, I miss spending the time we had together and I don't know if I can keep doing this alone.

 

[yourlucy]

I can't stop crying dude, it hurts so much. I just keep trying to distract myself but what else am I supposed to think about while packing up my side our shit, you know? I just keep remembering all the good times we had, every time I pick something else up it brings me back to the day we got it together and decided to take it home, to add it to our home.

i can't stop crying right now too that reminded me so much of my relationship you're not alone, i also can't stop my tears ever my emotions go up n down and are such a mess, losing someone you love and has shown you love hurts so damn much my bf always used to tell me that its good to let my emotions out whenever i cry that haunts me forever

 

[BeyondSurvival]

I feel like I'm withering away. I'm so alone, I miss spending the time we had together and I don't know if I can keep doing this alone.

I understand you man, I really do. When it first happened to me, I tried to distract myself by playing video games and stuff, but no matter what I did, I still ended up in tears. I believe there's not much we can do about it right now. You just have to go through the pain and process it. Hopefully, you'll handle it better than I did.

And one more thing, try not to blame yourself too much. Sometimes we don't have much control over what happens. And maybe in the future, who knows, what feels like the end of the world now will just seem meaningless.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

i can't stop crying right now too that reminded me so much of my relationship you're not alone, i also can't stop my tears ever my emotions go up n down and are such a mess, losing someone you love and has shown you love hurts so damn much my bf always used to tell me that its good to let my emotions out whenever i cry that haunts me forever

What am I supposed to do, you know? She taught so much, she helped me through so much, and now I'm supposed to take everything she gave me and hold on to it? Let it go? How do I feel better? Who do I have now? I just wanna be loved and love, and she was it. I feel ugly, I feel unworthy. I feel more out of sorts and out of place then I have ever before.

 

[yourlucy]

What am I supposed to do, you know? She taught so much, she helped me through so much, and now I'm supposed to take everything she gave me and hold on to it? Let it go? How do I feel better? Who do I have now? I just wanna be loved and love, and she was it. I feel ugly, I feel unworthy. I feel more out of sorts and out of place then I have ever before.

I feel the same :( i have also been so lonely and i crave love so badly too its so selfish of me, he was also the only person who has ever loved me, do you feel the same was she the only one who has ever shown you love?

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I understand you man, I really do. When it first happened to me, I tried to distract myself by playing video games and stuff, but no matter what I did, I still ended up in tears. I believe there's not much we can do about it right now. You just have to go through the pain and process it. Hopefully, you'll handle it better than I did.

And one more thing, try not to blame yourself too much. Sometimes we don't have much control over what happens. And maybe in the future, who knows, what feels like the end of the world now will just seem meaningless.

It's crushing me, it's keeping me in a constant state of mania. I can't get myself to be okay, to just be okay. The happiest I felt all week was when she sent me a message, when she gave me a piece of what we had. I feel sick, I feel wrong, I don't have what it takes. I want to, I'm looking for help, I just don't know how long I can hold out. It's just what we had, I've been manic, and hateful, it just went into hiding and I didn't know until she left. I didn't know it was still there and this ugly.

Maybe, maybe it will. But I can't not blame myself, sure she had her faults. But it didn't end because she didn't communicate or defend me from her family. It ended because I couldn't be responsible, I couldn't be relied on. I should have been but, I wasn't and I don't know why I can't get myself to do basic human shit sometimes. I feel paralyzed half the time and it's killing me that I can't just be normal.

I feel the same :( i have also been so lonely and i crave love so badly too its so selfish of me, he was also the only person who has ever loved me, do you feel the same was she the only one who has ever shown you love?

Yeah, sometimes it feels like no one else ever gave fuck about me. I know some of my family cares, I know thats true. But I can't feel anything from it, it feels like an obligation at times. Both in the fact that they care and that I have to appreciate it. It makes me feel awful that I don't appreciate it, that I have to force myself to be thankful. I don't know why I take it that way, but I know that it means more from someone who isn't required to care. I want to be better, but I don't know how.

 

[yourlucy]

It's crushing me, it's keeping me in a constant state of mania. I can't get myself to be okay, to just be okay. The happiest I felt all week was when she sent me a message, when she gave me a piece of what we had. I feel sick, I feel wrong, I don't have what it takes. I want to, I'm looking for help, I just don't know how long I can hold out. It's just what we had, I've been manic, and hateful, it just went into hiding and I didn't know until she left. I didn't know it was still there and this ugly.

Maybe, maybe it will. But I can't not blame myself, sure she had her faults. But it didn't end because she didn't communicate or defend me from her family. It ended because I couldn't be responsible, I couldn't be relied on. I should have been but, I wasn't and I don't know why I can't get myself to do basic human shit sometimes. I feel paralyzed half the time and it's killing me that I can't just be normal.

Yeah, sometimes it feels like no one else ever gave fuck about me. I know some of my family cares, I know thats true. But I can't feel anything from it, it feels like an obligation at times. Both in the fact that they care and that I have to appreciate it. It makes me feel awful that I don't appreciate it, that I have to force myself to be thankful. I don't know why I take it that way, but I know that it means more from someone who isn't required to care. I want to be better, but I don't know how.

if you want to get better just starting from the smallest things is everything, like feeding yourself drinking, SHOWERING even take small steps, dont be harsh on yourself :( it's okay, if you manage to even eat good then you're doing amazing you just need someone to remind you to take care of yourself i can do that if you wwant you can talk to me if you feel lonely i'll try my best to comfort if you need it, even cleaning your place where you sleep is doing a lot, take it slowly then you can do the harder stuff

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

if you want to get better just starting from the smallest things is everything, like feeding yourself drinking, SHOWERING even take small steps, dont be harsh on yourself :( it's okay, if you manage to even eat good then you're doing amazing you just need someone to remind you to take care of yourself i can do that if you wwant you can talk to me if you feel lonely i'll try my best to comfort if you need it, even cleaning your place where you sleep is doing a lot, take it slowly then you can do the harder stuff

I appreciate that deeply, it means a lot. Everyone's replies mean a lot. But I can't ask that of you, it's selfish of me, I can't rely on you to prop me up, even if I want to. I don't deserve that kind of help and you don't deserve to deal with my shit. But thank you, I don't wanna take advantage of your kindness. You're a good person.

 

[yourlucy]

I appreciate that deeply, it means a lot. Everyone's replies mean a lot. But I can't ask that of you, it's selfish of me, I can't rely on you to prop me up, even if I want to. I don't deserve that kind of help and you don't deserve to deal with my shit. But thank you, I don't wanna take advantage of your kindness. You're a good person.

but i want to, you're not selfish i want to

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

but i want to, you're not selfish i want to

I'm always open to talk, but put yourself first. I'm still trying to sort my shit out and just be okay.

 

[yourlucy]

I'm always open to talk, but put yourself first. I'm still trying to sort my shit out and just be okay.

of course :) we'll talk tomorrow then i hope you'll do good and drink something nice, goodnight

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

of course :) we'll talk tomorrow then i hope you'll do good and drink something nice, goodnight

Goodnight and thank you to everyone. I was in a real bad spot today and I didn't know people were still seeing this, until till I got a message. I hope my mania helps someone out there. Anyone can message me, I just don't know how helpful I can be.