Discussion SH while being in a relationship

[hellworldprincess]

To clarify, by "relationship" I'm talking about someone who regularly sees you naked.

I was wondering what your experience is with SH that leaves visible scars that you can't hide from everybody else.
Specifically people you are in an intimate relationship with.
Are you having arguments about it?
Does your partner also SH?
Do they maybe even like you doing it?

I personally cut on my thighs so no one else is able to see anything.
But my partner sees it, obviously.
They themselves have a history, so they're definitely understanding and don't get angry or anything like that.

However, still everytime I cut, I feel bad afterwards because my partner is going to notice.
I still do it because in the moment and also afterwards I nonetheless feel better than before.

But the thought was bugging me, so I'd like to hear about some of your experiences.

 

[etchings]

I have struggled on and off with self harm for just a few years short of a decade now. I have been in a handful of relationships as well, some purely sexual. As someone who has participated in hookup culture I got used to being sexualized or having certain parts of me be sexualized. That included my scars and/or the idea of me hurting myself for the other person's enjoyment. I detached myself from that, it did not bother me as much as it honestly should have.
I'm now in a long term committed relationship with someone who has also had touch-and-go moments with self harm. I have never felt bad about them seeing my scars, fresh or old, only because they have come to be an intrinsic part of who I am and a representation of my ongoing story. They don't make me feel bad about it, and we aren't the type of people to get triggered by seeing it on one another.
With all of that said, my advice to you: an unhealthy coping mechanism is still a coping mechanism. Be proud that you are still going. The only opinion of you that matters is yours.
Wishing you peace and tranquility.

 

[hellworldprincess]

I'm now in a long term committed relationship with someone who has also had touch-and-go moments with self harm. I have never felt bad about them seeing my scars, fresh or old, only because they have come to be an intrinsic part of who I am and a representation of my ongoing story. They don't make me feel bad about it, and we aren't the type of people to get triggered by seeing it on one another.

I'm happy for you and I relate a lot to what you said.
My partner is also really chill regarding that.
I just needed to hear that rn, because sometimes I just feel bad about it for no apparent reason.

Thank you for sharing your story and opinion.

 

[Homulily]

My partner knows I SH and is understanding. They helped me get access to stuff to safely SH.

We've cut eachother before too.

 

[kcon1243]

My ex of 20 years knew my self harm history and saw all my scars, but I had stopped harming myself when we met. Towards the end of our relationship, I started burning myself again after an 18 year hiatus... and those feelings of empathy my ex had at the beginning and throughout the years disappeared!

They suddenly became constantly critical of my self injury and made a lot of heinous comments about how wasn't sexy and how it made them unattracted to me. Then anytime I had a bandaid on, they'd interrogate me and demand to know why I needed a bandaid.

Now that I'm casually dating again and doing the hookup thing, I haven't had anyone say anything about my scars and I keep all my fresh burns hidden with bandaids and bracelets type thing. Feel like it's my own personal/private issue and nobody else's business, even if I do end up in another relationship.

 

[hang in there]

I never cut very deep, I just need something to snap me out of whatever state I'm in, so I make a lot of very tiny cuts with a razor, like maybe a hundred at a time only deep enough to bleed and sting, I get in a trance and just don't stop until I'm covered in blood
I used to just cover my entire stomach in them so nobody would ever see, but when I moved out and was alone I started cutting on my wrists as well
Nobody ever noticed
Nobody ever cared
Even with an SO seeing me naked it just was not important enough to remark I guess
I still have scars and nobody sees them
There is only once in my life somebody noticed, a coworker one night after cutting and my long sleeves slipped up for a second
"Do you have a cat?"
"Yeah, it scratched me up haha..."
Despite wearing short sleeves right after cutting my SO has never noticed my injuries
But one time I was feeling very bad and SO just kept grilling me over and over to tell them what I was feeling (very big mistake, I never do that anymore, I always just get screamed at for having feelings)
So I said "I wish I knew where my boxcutter was, I want to cut so badly"
Just screamed at over and over that I'm stupid and selfish and that SO is going to call the cops on me and blah blah blah
My razor is kinder to me than people are

 

[other-ghost]

i have a bad self harm problem and i cut almost everywhere i could hide with modest clothing. But my partner sees it, of course.

She's very mentally well, actually. So sane. Of course she knows about it when she sees me naked/just exposed.

I told her about it before, so now, she just tries to ignore it. Never mentioned anything about it until now, but i think she wants to, idk? But as a side note, she never saw it fresh. Maybe a week old.

TLDR ; she tried to ignore it.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

What's a relationship?

 

[EmptyBottle]

What's a relationship?

I believe, in this thread it means a romantic relationship; being connected (and probably living with) a partner