Venting Self harm relapse

[Require_love]

Hey. A tiny vent......
I'd been feeling pretty sorry and frustrated with myself for some time, and I usually just watch porn to get the dopamine boost in these times but I just decided to slice into my thigh today instead.

I just want to be told "it's okay". By someone irl. Why do I constantly feel worthless and dreading the future? I mean.... I wish I could stop it. It sucks. I used to watch porn to stop that feeling, but it just turned into an addiction. (I watch once a day now). Self harming might too, my thighs can only hold so much. What am I doing wrong? Why can't I make MYSELF happy? How do people make themselves happy? Everything seems so..... Idk how to put it. Suicidal ideation feels great too. My parents love me then WHY STILL? Why can't I just be happy with what I have instead of being a greedy little bastard?

Help.

 

[sjuultje123]

I'm not someone from real life but I'm still gonna say that it's okay if you relapsed. Sometimes it's just too unbearable. And okay now it's not the best coping mechanism but you should not hate yourself for it. You're still trying to manage everything. I always say to myself that if that's the only selfdestructive thing I did that day then it's still a win because you don't know any better. But you can learn about other coping.

 

[wantingdignity]

Take it as an indicator that you need something. Whatever you need to do to get help or support, do it. Venting and reaching out for validation and support is a good start.

I'm still struggling myself. I'm just over a week clean. I'm in an outpatient program now. We go to therapy groups daily. I'm very gradually getting better. If you need additional help, don't be afraid to advocate for yourself to get it.

Self harm is like an addiction and recovery is not straight line up. Don't beat yourself for relapses or for not being able to do it on your own.

 

[SecretDissociation]

Not irl either- but it's okay. A friend told me that, she told my 'it's okay, you can't control these things'. I chanel that rhetoric to you to.

You can't stop feeling miserable no matter what, you can't stop that, and you can only live with it. I know how it goes. Dwelling on it too much can cause a positive feedback loop of feeling worse. You don't being grateful or happy for having loving parents, or whatever positive thing else. You were owed good circumstances, but it has nothing on your mental health.