self-doubt

[parader]

just rambling really, pay it no mind
recently both of my therapists and my family mentioned how well i'm doing right now, and how they're happy i'm this better
i can kind of agree to some level, looking back at the past 10 years, i'm quite ok-ish for a while now
last time self-harming or hospitalized was in 2018, i'm not even binge drinking anymore or doing recreational drugs
sobriety even seems feasible every now and then, some days alcohol doesn't even cross my mind
and yet a functional day-to-day life still seems so far-fetched, it's hard to stay optimistic while right now i'm only managing to stay alive and not hating it that much every second
i'm really giving it my everything but time waits for no one and i overstayed my welcome long ago
sometimes i just wonder how long much longer will it take, how much more can i wait it out and what even for
i don't even dare wish for happiness, i just want to be somewhat steady productive, financially ok and enjoy things once in a while
and even that i'm not sure i can ever achieve
feels like it'd take a miracle but i don't believe in those

 

[venin]

just rambling really, pay it no mind
recently both of my therapists and my family mentioned how well i'm doing right now, and how they're happy i'm this better
i can kind of agree to some level, looking back at the past 10 years, i'm quite ok-ish for a while now
last time self-harming or hospitalized was in 2018, i'm not even binge drinking anymore or doing recreational drugs
sobriety even seems feasible every now and then, some days alcohol doesn't even cross my mind
and yet a functional day-to-day life still seems so far-fetched, it's hard to stay optimistic while right now i'm only managing to stay alive and not hating it that much every second
i'm really giving it my everything but time waits for no one and i overstayed my welcome long ago
sometimes i just wonder how long much longer will it take, how much more can i wait it out and what even for
i don't even dare wish for happiness, i just want to be somewhat steady productive, financially ok and enjoy things once in a while
and even that i'm not sure i can ever achieve
feels like it'd take a miracle but i don't believe in those

Hope you manage to get there. Hope we all do

 

[parader]

Hope you manage to get there. Hope we all do

thank you! <3
i really do hope that i'll work it out somehow someday, even when i can't believe in myself enough to see it actually happening
i can only hope and put the effort in

 

[venin]

thank you! <3
i really do hope that i'll work it out somehow someday, even when i can't believe in myself enough to see it actually happening
i can only hope and put the effort in

Rooting for you!

 

[parader]

Rooting for you!

for us both and everyone else in here!

 

[venin]

for us both and everyone else in here!

Def

 

[VioletNight]

Any progress is good progress, it's great how far you've managed to come. I hope things keep getting better for you!

 

[parader]

Any progress is good progress, it's great how far you've managed to come. I hope things keep getting better for you!

thank you so much! <3