self-centred update because i think i'm the main character

[...]

as i could have predicted my inability to move on from heartbreak has resulted in behaviour that has inevitably led me to getting punished. this does not change anything other than serving a reminder that i am only causing pain to myself and others and thus should do myself and others a favour and take my pathetic-ness out of the equation. all that happened to me was that i was heartbroken. no great injustice occurred, no great tragedy forced me to act the way i have. i have acted the way i have merely because i am weak and do not have the motivation to move past a set back nor live without someone i want. i am not owed anything. i am not entitled to mean something to someone solely because they mean something to me. i do not automatically have the right to a response when i reach out, and no one person has the responsibility to help alleviate my pain. my failure to accept this has remained consistent and though there are still things left to try i do not have the motivation and have simply given up trying.

i now need to leave and stop looking at this site as all it does is delay me moving onto a solution. take care all.

 

[Rational man]

You have the gift of self reflection, sadly missing in too many humans.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be devastating to be heartbroken. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[myopybyproxy]

as i could have predicted my inability to move on from heartbreak has resulted in behaviour that has inevitably led me to getting punished. this does not change anything other than serving a reminder that i am only causing pain to myself and others and thus should do myself and others a favour and take my pathetic-ness out of the equation. all that happened to me was that i was heartbroken. no great injustice occurred, no great tragedy forced me to act the way i have. i have acted the way i have merely because i am weak and do not have the motivation to move past a set back nor live without someone i want. i am not owed anything. i am not entitled to mean something to someone solely because they mean something to me. i do not automatically have the right to a response when i reach out, and no one person has the responsibility to help alleviate my pain. my failure to accept this has remained consistent and though there are still things left to try i do not have the motivation and have simply given up trying.

i now need to leave and stop looking at this site as all it does is delay me moving onto a solution. take care all.

i feel this except for me there was no heartbreak. i'm just dumb and emotionally immature for no reason lmao.

in some ways i agree. methods aside, the site is a form of procrastination. one can indulge the idea of suicide without enacting it. and for some that may well be a good thing.

 

[Famous Last Words]

You are the main character and you shouldn't make any apologies for that. Goodbye Jamie.

 

[Insomniac]

as i could have predicted my inability to move on from heartbreak has resulted in behaviour that has inevitably led me to getting punished. this does not change anything other than serving a reminder that i am only causing pain to myself and others and thus should do myself and others a favour and take my pathetic-ness out of the equation. all that happened to me was that i was heartbroken. no great injustice occurred, no great tragedy forced me to act the way i have. i have acted the way i have merely because i am weak and do not have the motivation to move past a set back nor live without someone i want. i am not owed anything. i am not entitled to mean something to someone solely because they mean something to me. i do not automatically have the right to a response when i reach out, and no one person has the responsibility to help alleviate my pain. my failure to accept this has remained consistent and though there are still things left to try i do not have the motivation and have simply given up trying.

i now need to leave and stop looking at this site as all it does is delay me moving onto a solution. take care all.

don't blame yourself, 10 years old heartbreak is also my main reason for wanting to ctb. I have done nothing but lying to myself ever since.

having your heart crushed by someone is an unbelievable experience. I still don't understand how it's possible for me to love someone so much and for that love to be unreciprocated. It's really hard to believe and I think that's why it's so hard to get over it because you can't even believe it in the first place.

 

[...]

don't blame yourself, 10 years old heartbreak is also my main reason for wanting to ctb. I have done nothing but lying to myself ever since.

having your heart crushed by someone is an unbelievable experience. I still don't understand how it's possible for me to love someone so much and for that love to be unreciprocated. It's really hard to believe and I think that's why it's so hard to get over it because you can't even believe it in the first place.

yep just utter disbelief, i feel you.

You are the main character and you shouldn't make any apologies for that. Goodbye Jamie.

im quite concerned your account is one day old and only post is addressing me by name

 

[...]

You have the gift of self reflection, sadly missing in too many humans.

means nothing if you cannot act on it

 

[Famous Last Words]

yep just utter disbelief, i feel you.

im quite concerned your account is one day old and only post is addressing me by name

Sorry, I would be too. I thought you'd left and wouldn't read anyway. I had another account and replied to you a couple of times when you first joined and I really felt for you and the situation you were in. I think you're a great writer.

I was 100% going to end it all so I deleted all my online accounts (including email), deleted history, cleaned my hard drive, said goodbyes and did things the last time I was ever going to do them...

Then I sat there for over an hour with the stupid SN and propranolol mixture, actually feeling pretty nice because of the benzodiazepine, and I couldn't bring myself to do it - the last bit where I lift up the glass and drink it, even though I'd rehersed it tens of times in my mind. I'm so upset with myself because I was so sure it was going to happen.

I'm not supposed to be here, on this website or existing at all, and it's a weird feeling. I have enough left of everything for another go although I've decided to use phenibut instead of the benzodiazepine.

So here I am, in suicidal limbo and weirding people out on a suicide site.

 

[thereisthemist]

making decisions is hard, but will no longer be after it's made
that being said, safety trip