Venting School fucks up my brain and life

[sadlystillgoing3]

I spent 5 hours yesterday crafting an email to my advisor to the school I'm transferring to only to find out she ISN'T my advisor because I'm dumb af. I actually emailed the department chair of the VERY selective program who pretty much decides if I get into grad school or not. And today I found out they updated their transfer form but never published it so one of my classes I'm taking right now is useless. I've switched majors so many times that I have literally about 30 USELESS credits total. So much money and time for nothing.
I hate how the education system is set up and how we need to take general education credits and transferring credits is so meticulous. There's absolutely no reason that an english course from one school shouldn't count at every college, even out of state ones.
Anyways, this just made me feel even more suicidal and I literally thought, "well, this won't matter bc when I try to kill myself AND FAIL I'll be in a mental hospital."
And all of this for a job that i don't even want. I don't want to fucking work. I deserve to live without working. We all do. Why do we have to work in order to earn things. We inherently deserve to survive and thrive because we're alive. This world is fucking ridiculous.
Off topic a bit but lately I've been having really bad hypoglycemia episodes and panic attacks and although they're horrible, part of me thinks that my heart might just stop or I'll go into a coma and I feel a tiny bit of peace.

 

[Deleted member 25508]

i agree so much. i don't know why we don't take care of each other... it seems absurd that civilization has been around for this long, and we still force each other to play this game of merit. you'd think humanity would have figured it out by now, but... no.

i'm sorry the system is so cold and unforgiving.

 

[WornOutLife]

Sorry for the situation you're in.
Both school and college suck.
I don't know how on earth I got my degree but I gotta tell you, those years were exhausting for my mind and my depression is very much related to that.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

The system is pretty bad, I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much just to try to finish and walk out with that degree.

I had similar problems before I dropped out of my old university (which ran on the Liberal arts curriculum like you're describing, where you have accumulate lots of credits in different subjects in order to graduate, and compete with others to get registered for classes/modules)

It was extremely stressful, I know what you're going through and it's tough. It really sucks that people care more about molding us into perfect worker drones, than how we actually feel. No one ever asked if I was truly happy, just if I was too sad or not functional enough to get my work done, if I was eating and sleeping properly, following a schedule, and passing my classes.

Hopefully soon you can get out of there and have some much needed freedom in your graduate studies, where you will being research projects, I assume?

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

In US it's designed to put you in debt and repress your standard of living. Most people in US should try to avoid it.

I know it's better in some other countries