Scared of drinking SN - am I the only one?

[hopelessgirl]

Please share your thoughts. I just feel like drinking SN is so god damn scary. Am I the only one feeling like this? I'm sorry if I'm making someone's SI stronger by writing this, but it's probably better to think of that problem now as opposed to later.. maybe it helps to talk about it now up front. I guess I wish someone could tell me that drinking SN is totally fine.

 

[Nightmare Painting]

I'm extremely emotionally numb and even I get triggered by survival instinct. It makes it that much more difficult if you have people that you're leaving behind.

You don't have to rush or try to force yourself if you aren't ready especially considering it's the most important decision of your life.

 

[miserableforever]

I'm extremely emotionally numb and even I get triggered by survival instinct. It makes it that much more difficult if you have people that you're leaving behind.

You don't have to rush or try to force yourself if you aren't ready especially considering it's the most important decision of your life.

How can one be ready to dismiss their SI? I think many keep waiting for that moment. Myself included.

 

[stevieu]

It is a scary thought. It's a poison after all. Before I even knew about SN I always feared consuming something like that, but I think with all the supporting medications and a clear plan in place, it can be done much more comfortably. At least, I hope so.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

How can one be ready to dismiss their SI? I think many keep waiting for that moment. Myself included.

Me too. I've been standing on the ledge for five years. The SI hasn't lessened even though things are worse now.

 

[Nightmare Painting]

How can one be ready to dismiss their SI? I think many keep waiting for that moment. Myself included.

I think it's easier for people who are already feel cornered and extremely emotionally volatile from a recent event so they attempt on "impulse" or people who have absolutely nothing left.

I don't really have the answer if you're somewhere inbetween. For myself I just need enough time alone to prepare and so I won't be "saved."

Having a method that requires preparation and a specific time frame likely makes survival instinct worse which is one of the issues I have with SN & N personally. If I had a button beside me that I could press to kill me instantly then I'd already be dead but suicide isn't that convenient unfortunately.

 

[miserableforever]

Me too. I've been standing on the ledge for five years. The SI hasn't lessened even though things are worse now.

Same. How much more stress can I endure? I'm being dragged from one court date to the next and I've never done anything to deserve this. Stupid ex spouse suing me, spreading lies and I'm the one having to clarify what's actually going on. Absolute insanity for no reason, over a breakup…. I feel like a slave.

Still don't believe I could act on impulse. I wish..

It is a scary thought. It's a poison after all. Before I even knew about SN I always feared consuming something like that, but I think with all the supporting medications and a clear plan in place, it can be done much more comfortably. At least, I hope so.

If you see it that way, it's a few minutes of discomfort vs a lifetime of pain and more pain.

 

[Somber]

Please share your thoughts. I just feel like drinking SN is so god damn scary. Am I the only one feeling like this? I'm sorry if I'm making someone's SI stronger by writing this, but it's probably better to think of that problem now as opposed to later.. maybe it helps to talk about it now up front. I guess I wish someone could tell me that drinking SN is totally fine.

What exactly is it about drinking SN that scares you?
The potential for pain, the consequences of dying, the chance it might not kill you?
Does it have to do with SN or would it apply to any other method as well?

 

[Lost Magic]

Well, all forms of attempting to ends ones existence is 'scary'. That's why so many people have survived standing at the edge of a building or a bridge. They either draw back or someone talks them out of it. This existence is all we know whether good or bad. I guess the ones who have been successful at killing themselves become numb to living and survival Instinct and just push on with the act. The pain of life, for many, is far scarier than the pain of dying. I am fortunate enough to have lots of pills that will, hopefully, supress some of those natural instincts. But I probably could push on past the initial fear (without the pills) if I had to.

 

[xLosthopex]

I'm scared to drink N let alone SN…

 

[Foresight]

I wouldn't use SN. There are a few other methods I prefer.

 

[Wrennie]

I'm not as convinced of the 'peacefulness' of SN as a method so much anymore. I do understand though that it's a last resort for many people, and is by far preferable to 'other' means.

The thing that initially drew me to SN was that it was a purportedly 'reversible' method and was 'without permanent sequelae' in the event of failure. In my case I don't think that would apply (due to my pre-existing neuropathic medical conditions I'd likely develop post-hypoxic nerve damage). For healthy people that probably wouldn't be an issue, but we can't 100% know for sure.

Ultimately it is a poison and can cause distressing symptoms for up to 40 or so minutes (in some cases).

Also, since hospitals are so understaffed/overwhelmed by Covid right now, there's less of a likelihood that you'd survive the attempt even if you felt like backing out last minute & called for an ambulance. Some people have mentioned that the ER had to specially order methylene blue (the antidote) instead of just automatically having it 'on hand', as I'd originally assumed they would…

I'd just exercise extreme caution. Everyone metabolizes this stuff differently and realistically nobody knows for sure how they'll handle it until they take that leap.

Your hesitation/aversion is completely understandable and rational. Please don't beat yourself up over it! CTB isn't a decision to take lightly, ever.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I agree totally.

I'm extremely emotionally numb and even I get triggered by survival instinct. It makes it that much more difficult if you have people that you're leaving behind.

You don't have to rush or try to force yourself if you aren't ready especially considering it's the most important decision of your life.

 

[tgfm]

For me, the big fear is that it wouldn't work.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

Definitely not the only one. I'm terrified.. I'm scared of vomiting anyway, I'm certain I'll just freak out. It's no longer my method

 

[Samsal112]

I'm not as convinced of the 'peacefulness' of SN as a method so much anymore. I do understand though that it's a last resort for many people, and is by far preferable to 'other' means.

Also, since hospitals are so understaffed/overwhelmed by Covid right now, there's less of a likelihood that you'd survive the attempt even if you felt like backing out last minute & called for an ambulance. Some people have mentioned that the ER had to specially order methylene blue (the antidote) instead of just automatically having it 'on hand', as I'd originally assumed they would…

The thing that initially drew me to SN was that it was a 'reversible' method and was 'without permanent sequelae' in the event of failure. In my case I don't think that would apply (due to my pre-existing neuropathic medical conditions I'd likely develop post-hypoxic nerve damage). For healthy people that probably wouldn't be an issue, but we can't 100% know for sure.

Ultimately it is a poison and can cause distressing symptoms for up to 40 or so minutes (in some cases).

I'd just exercise extreme caution. Everyone metabolizes this stuff differently and realistically nobody knows for sure how they'll handle it until they take that leap.

Your hesitation/aversion is completely understandable and rational. Please don't beat yourself up over it! CTB isn't a decision to take lightly, ever.

I am new to this site. Is there information on here to suggest that it is a relatively peaceful exit? I see a lot of people prefer SN or N, and to me, that sounds scary because death takes 20 to 40 minutes. Does anyone here know when or why SN became the preferred method?

 

[Lost Magic]

I am new to this site. Is there information on here to suggest that it is a relatively peaceful exit? I see a lot of people prefer SN or N, and to me, that sounds scary because death takes 20 to 40 minutes. Does anyone here know when or why SN became the preferred method?

Because Nembutal is more difficult and expensive to obtain. Plus Sodium Nitrite (if done with the proper protocol) is a relatively peaceful (compared to other ways) method. Nembutal is the gold standard though.

 

[Death is beautiful]

I am new to this site. Is there information on here to suggest that it is a relatively peaceful exit? I see a lot of people prefer SN or N, and to me, that sounds scary because death takes 20 to 40 minutes. Does anyone here know when or why SN became the preferred method?

SN is easily accessible and cheap, so this is the most popular method on this forum (I think so) people are willing to endure some discomfort for the sake of death

 

[Somber]

For me, the big fear is that it wouldn't work.

That would be my biggest fear too, including the consequences of failure.

Then again, everything we do involves risks.

Do we have accounts of failed SN or N attempts on this forum?

 

[PrisonBreak]

I'm also afraid of SN. I almost threw mine away but then I remembered how debilitating my condition is. The method of my choice at first was OD on sleep meds, however, I learned meds in general are unreliable.

 

[Interloper]

That would be my biggest fear too, including the consequences of failure.

Then again, everything we do involves risks.

Do we have accounts of failed SN or N attempts on this forum?

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...nd-experiences-information-google-docs.29900/

 

[Ta555]

I am very scared of it too. Mostly the nausea, vomiting and anxiety. This is my nightmare. Enduring horrific nausea and anxiety for so long before passing out. I have the SN but tbh I think I would only use it if I had a partner and that's never gonna happen.

 

[Samsal112]

I'm also afraid of SN. I almost threw mine away but then I remembered how debilitating my condition is. The method of my choice at first was OD on sleep meds, however, I learned meds in general are unreliable.

Please keep in mind sleep meds were designed to not kill a person. They can mess you up, but you will live. They are the safer alternative to barbiturates.

 

[Lost Magic]

I am very scared of it too. Mostly the nausea, vomiting and anxiety. This is my nightmare. Enduring horrific nausea and anxiety for so long before passing out. I have the SN but tbh I think I would only use it if I had a partner and that's never gonna happen.

For that you would need the drugs to go along with it, like propranolol (for anxiety), metoclopramide (for sickness) and benzos (just to relax more). I wouldn't go through with this method without them.

 

[Ta555]

For that you would need the drugs to go along with it, like propranolol (for anxiety), metoclopramide (for sickness) and benzos (just to relax more). I wouldn't go through with this method without them.

I have everything except propranolol and Im still shit scared.

 

[Lost Magic]

I have everything except propranolol and Im still shit scared.

Everybody is going to feel apprehensive. It is a big deal to end ones life. Perhaps you are not ready to leave for a while. Take time to reflect how you feel. There is no rush. We all die, eventually.

 

[Ta555]

Everybody is going to feel apprehensive. It is a big deal to end ones life. Perhaps you are not ready to leave for a while. Take time to reflect how you feel. There is no rush. We all die, eventually.

Nope that's not it. I said this on another thread but being scared of a method is not the same as being not ready to CTB. People often say this and I don't think it's right, at least not for everyone. You could be in a burning building but still be scared to jump. If I had N I would drink it today.

 

[Onkyo74893]

I think it's easier for people who are already feel cornered and extremely emotionally volatile from a recent event so they attempt on "impulse" or people who have absolutely nothing left.

I don't really have the answer if you're somewhere inbetween. For myself I just need enough time alone to prepare and so I won't be "saved."

Having a method that requires preparation and a specific time frame likely makes survival instinct worse which is one of the issues I have with SN & N personally. If I had a button beside me that I could press to kill me instantly then I'd already be dead but suicide isn't that convenient unfortunately.

A method just as fast as a "suicide button" is a gun.

 

[Lost Magic]

Nope that's not it. I said this on another thread but being scared of a method is not the same as being not ready to CTB. People often say this and I don't think it's right, at least not for everyone. You could be in a burning building but still be scared to jump. If I had N I would drink it today.

Oh yeah, I hear you. I would drink Nembutal pretty fast as well. That's the gold standard for sure. Sodium Nitrite, even with all the additional pills, is still a poison. It is often referred to as the poor man's Nembutal. Still, better than some of the more violent methods, in my opinion.

 

[BrokenBliss]

I'm not as convinced of the 'peacefulness' of SN as a method so much anymore. I do understand though that it's a last resort for many people, and is by far preferable to 'other' means.

The thing that initially drew me to SN was that it was a purportedly 'reversible' method and was 'without permanent sequelae' in the event of failure. In my case I don't think that would apply (due to my pre-existing neuropathic medical conditions I'd likely develop post-hypoxic nerve damage). For healthy people that probably wouldn't be an issue, but we can't 100% know for sure.

Ultimately it is a poison and can cause distressing symptoms for up to 40 or so minutes (in some cases).

Also, since hospitals are so understaffed/overwhelmed by Covid right now, there's less of a likelihood that you'd survive the attempt even if you felt like backing out last minute & called for an ambulance. Some people have mentioned that the ER had to specially order methylene blue (the antidote) instead of just automatically having it 'on hand', as I'd originally assumed they would…

I'd just exercise extreme caution. Everyone metabolizes this stuff differently and realistically nobody knows for sure how they'll handle it until they take that leap.

Your hesitation/aversion is completely understandable and rational. Please don't beat yourself up over it! CTB isn't a decision to take lightly, ever.

Holy cow - Your second paragraph scared me to the core. Unbearable neuropathic pain is what led me to this site in the first place. Can you tell me what you know about post-hypoxic nerve damage and SN?