Venting Sad Vent

[sadghost]

You know that familiar message that pops up on your phone that reads: "Low Battery". Yeah, I feel like that. I just don't want to do this anymore - none of it. Every single day I feel worse and worse and I can see that the end is near. I find it harder each day to fake coming off as "okay" to the point where it's now become nearly impossible.

I can't talk to anybody without my mental state being questioned. I don't even want to talk about it anymore, I'm so past that. I wish that I could have the people around me support my decision and act accordingly - like end of life care. I don't even want to talk to anybody anymore, it just ends in disappointment. I don't know why I bother, I just want to let go of everything. Fuck it all.

 

[RedDEE]

Wow, that was a very short vent.

I can tell you're not lying when you say you don't even want to talk to anyone anymore. Most "vent" threads are an entire fucking essay. Your's is a just a few short sentences.

 

[Existingnotliving]

You know that familiar message that pops up on your phone that reads: "Low Battery". Yeah, I feel like that. I just don't want to do this anymore - none of it. Every single day I feel worse and worse and I can see that the end is near. I find it harder each day to fake coming off as "okay" to the point where it's now become nearly impossible.

I can't talk to anybody without my mental state being questioned. I don't even want to talk about it anymore, I'm so past that. I wish that I could have the people around me support my decision and act accordingly - like end of life care. I don't even want to talk to anybody anymore, it just ends in disappointment. I don't know why I bother, I just want to let go of everything. Fuck it all.

Yep I get that not wanting to talk anymore feeling, sick of it myself, keep going round in circles without anyone actually listening and helping. I've had enough too.

 

[bravotess]

I feel ya. I'm 100% ready. If I had everything I need I'd do it tonight. Hell im considering doing it tonight with just SN. What's stopping you?

 

[RedDEE]

I feel ya. I'm 100% ready. If I had everything I need I'd do it tonight. Hell im considering doing it tonight with just SN. What's stopping you?

I saw a post by her yesterday, and she said that her SN arrived... By the looks of it, there's not much stopping her now.

 

[sadghost]

Wow, that was a very short vent.

I can tell you're not lying when you say you don't even want to talk to anyone anymore. Most "vent" threads are an entire fucking essay. Your's is a just a few short sentences.

I am truly so drained and tired like I can't even explain it.. I'm just over it, you know?

I feel ya. I'm 100% ready. If I had everything I need I'd do it tonight. Hell im considering doing it tonight with just SN. What's stopping you?

I don't have all the supplies yet either and I don't want to risk failing. I want to make sure I'm 100% ready and that the timing is good too... I'm sorry you're feeling the same, sending hugs your way

I saw a post by her yesterday, and she said that her SN arrived... By the looks of it, there's not much stopping her now.

Yeah it's more of a matter of "when" at this point

 

[Deleted member 18655]

What a great analogy - not enough battery to care. That's perfect.

I was driving today and almost started bawling in the car because I want the SN to get here so I can do what I need to do. I still have things I should do before I ctb but I just can't care. And there's no cord to charge me either.

 

[Joey]

I'm wishing you peace :)

 

[RedDEE]

I am truly so drained and tired like I can't even explain it.. I'm just over it, you know?

Believe me, I know. The best way I can explain it, is that my life has become a joke - a joke that I've heard 100000 times, and it's not funny anymore and I'm tired of hearing it.

 

[sadghost]

What a great analogy - not enough battery to care. That's perfect.

I was driving today and almost started bawling in the car because I want the SN to get here so I can do what I need to do. I still have things I should do before I ctb but I just can't care. And there's no cord to charge me either.

I'm glad you like my analogy! Also I'm so sorry, I really empathize. I remember waiting for the package was excruciating sometimes. I really relate to having things to do before CTB, like finalizing a note and all that stuff but I'm so damn tired all the time of everything

Believe me, I know. The best way I can explain it, is that my life has become a joke - a joke that I've heard 100000 times, and it's not funny anymore and I'm tired of hearing it.

Wow I love that analogy and feel the same! Like haha ok it's just annoying now.. Stop. I'm genuinely very sorry that life has brought you to this point

I'm wishing you peace :)

Thank you, wishing the same for you

 

[Silver]

@sadghost I relate to the feeling of exhaustion. I am still able to hide how I am to people IRL although it's becoming harder, but helped by only having to do it once a week.

Even preparation to ctb uses up my energy because I can't 'just leave' , I need to feel I've done as much as I can to help my family sort out everything after my death. Unfortunately for me this requires planning ahead and doing stuff and expecting myself to be able to do a lot of things in a short period of time which, as I've just found out, isn't possible.

 

[sadghost]

@sadghost I relate to the feeling of exhaustion. I am still able to hide how I am to people IRL although it's becoming harder, but helped by only having to do it once a week.

Even preparation to ctb uses up my energy because I can't 'just leave' , I need to feel I've done as much as I can to help my family sort out everything after my death. Unfortunately for me this requires planning ahead and doing stuff and expecting myself to be able to do a lot of things in a short period of time which, as I've just found out, isn't possible.

I'm sorry to hear you're in the same boat, such exhaustion can make anything and everything seem too much. I am also finding even the act of CTB planning hard. I feel for your situation, it's hard to act out a persona while you're literally planning your own suicide. Hugs