burninghill
Arcanist
- Dec 2, 2025
- 420
I just feel so pathetic and useless. I spend about 12 hours of the day just on overwatch and even that doesn't make me feel much better.
My boyfriend is great but he's really clingy, I don't think that's abnormal but I'm very avoidant and find it very overwhelming which he knows. He's also so bad at handing my mental health, he's more worried about the integrity of our relationship than my wellbeing as an individual and he never asks questions when I tell him I'm in a bad state, he just says he wishes he could help but he never actually does try to help.
I'm just at a loss, I feel like a disgusting human being for reasons I can't even say on this forum. I just want to die, I want someone to kill me. My ideation hasn't become active again so I can't.
I'm also due to go on a camping trip with my parents in two weeks and I'm going to have to be incredibly careful about not showing scars they don't know about. I have lots left from a year ago that I've managed to hide since then. Hopefully it isn't too hot or they might question why I'm wearing long sleeves.
I'm going to kill myself before the end of the university year, which is sometime in early September. I can't handle the amount of effort it will take. If I don't end up dying in September, the best I can do is hope that university drags me down so far that I have to die, like it did last year.
My boyfriend is great but he's really clingy, I don't think that's abnormal but I'm very avoidant and find it very overwhelming which he knows. He's also so bad at handing my mental health, he's more worried about the integrity of our relationship than my wellbeing as an individual and he never asks questions when I tell him I'm in a bad state, he just says he wishes he could help but he never actually does try to help.
I'm just at a loss, I feel like a disgusting human being for reasons I can't even say on this forum. I just want to die, I want someone to kill me. My ideation hasn't become active again so I can't.
I'm also due to go on a camping trip with my parents in two weeks and I'm going to have to be incredibly careful about not showing scars they don't know about. I have lots left from a year ago that I've managed to hide since then. Hopefully it isn't too hot or they might question why I'm wearing long sleeves.
I'm going to kill myself before the end of the university year, which is sometime in early September. I can't handle the amount of effort it will take. If I don't end up dying in September, the best I can do is hope that university drags me down so far that I have to die, like it did last year.
