Religion did it for me

[9BBN]

So my whole life is a fucking lie. Also I'm new here, hi everyone. Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place.

I spent literally tens of thousands of hours buying into the bullshit that religion feeds us. I've been manipulated and emotionally blackmailed into living a lifestyle so absurd I don't even know how to describe it to an average person here. I can't even leave without being disowned.

I'm lucky enough to be at university. Most people my age just slide down the rabbit hole of religious studies. Finally being exposed to people outside of my religion, my eyes are open. Communities like mine thrive off of insulation, and I'm sick of being suffocated.

But leaving is so hard. I'd be leaving my whole life behind, and my social skills are so lacking in this strange world I don't know how I would make friends, or even meet people who understand. Everything I do is regulated by this cult, but the problem is I'm physically unable to break the rules, even in private. My mind starts attacking me, and I'm fighting with myself. I go through intense pain if I try to skip a prayer or break a rule. I've gone paralyzed for hours. I sleep to nightmares and wake up to hell. So I'm just a religious zombie for now, eating my own brain.

The more I learn the more terrified I am of society. So much suffering, but worse, so much apathy. All these crimes against humanity, and people don't want to think about them because it's just an inconvenience. Everything we do is just an escape. At this point I'm happy to die right here.

Please don't proselytize to me.

 

[Dizzy_Dreams]

So my whole life is a fucking lie. Also I'm new here, hi everyone. Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place.

I spent literally tens of thousands of hours buying into the bullshit that religion feeds us. I've been manipulated and emotionally blackmailed into living a lifestyle so absurd I don't even know how to describe it to an average person here. I can't even leave without being disowned.

I'm lucky enough to be at university. Most people my age just slide down the rabbit hole of religious studies. Finally being exposed to people outside of my religion, my eyes are open. Communities like mine thrive off of insulation, and I'm sick of being suffocated.

But leaving is so hard. I'd be leaving my whole life behind, and my social skills are so lacking in this strange world I don't know how I would make friends, or even meet people who understand. Everything I do is regulated by this cult, but the problem is I'm physically unable to break the rules, even in private. My mind starts attacking me, and I'm fighting with myself. I go through intense pain if I try to skip a prayer or break a rule. I've gone paralyzed for hours. I sleep to nightmares and wake up to hell. So I'm just a religious zombie for now, eating my own brain.

The more I learn the more terrified I am of society. So much suffering, but worse, so much apathy. All these crimes against humanity, and people don't want to think about them because it's just an inconvenience. Everything we do is just an escape. At this point I'm happy to die right here.

Please don't proselytize to me.

Well where do you currently stand now? You think there's an afterlife? Are you scared because of your upbringing?

 

[Deathbydemo]

Religion is a lie.

 

[9BBN]

Well where do you currently stand now? You think there's an afterlife? Are you scared because of your upbringing?

There is no afterlife. There are no gods, most probably. Indoctrination is wrong. Homosexuality is not a crime. Animals do feel pain, and eating meat is wrong. Racism, sexism, and poverty are serious issues. In general, everyone is labelled as "self-hating" or "mentally ill" if they think differently from the norm.

I'm scared of society.

 

[Dizzy_Dreams]

There is no afterlife. There are no gods, most probably. Indoctrination is wrong. Homosexuality is not a crime. Animals do feel pain, and eating meat is wrong. Racism, sexism, and poverty are serious issues. In general, everyone is labelled as "self-hating" or "mentally ill" if they think differently from the norm.

I'm scared of society.

I'm not allowed to message you. What you speak of is interesting

 

[9BBN]

I'm not allowed to message you. What you speak of is interesting

Why not? Also, are you religious?

 

[Dizzy_Dreams]

Why not? Also, are you religious?

I have no idea what to think honestly. I'm scared of what's on the other side of death

 

[Into The Void]

Please don't proselytize to me.

Proselytizing is against the rules here.

My new age type religion saved me, it accepts me for who I am if I CTB or not. Not all religion is bad.

 

[melissa286]

Maybe when you finish university and are able to be out on your own, it might be possible to separate yourself from this religion/cult/community and find some kind of support network. I can only imagine how hard it must be, and I'm so sorry.