Regret

[ApproachingDeath]

I don't know...
I am 24 years old and recently had plastic surgery on my face. I had been wanting this surgery for several years, but I realize now that I completely regret this decision. The surgery has left me significantly more insecure and very suicidal. I thought this procedure would improve my appearance and did not tell anyone in my life about it. With the results being terrible, I have isolated myself in fear of everyone seeing what I did to my face :( I recently overcame drug addiction, and more and more each day, I feel the urge to use. I have bipolar disorder and anxiety which has made this entire situation feel near impossible. I am at a breaking point and feel more alone than ever.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Hi
Welcome to the forum :(
I am also a plastic surgery victim and this is the most soul crushing and isolating experience I ever went through keeping in mind that I am transgender woman.
I wish I was smarter, I knew about dangers of plastic surgery but I felt that it won't touch me, oh boy I was wrong, he botched my nose, my forehead and my hairline.
I could see something was wrong right after the surgery, on the next day in hospital I tried to cut my veins but the razor was tiny.
The surgeon was convincing me it's all swelling...
When I returned home, over the course of the several months defects started to appear more and more. I became psychotic and suicidal, I end up in the psych ward.
I was released and was planning and attempting suicide again until my friend took me in two and a half months ago.
It has been 8 months since surgery and still suicide on my mind every day.
It's an incredibly hard thing to go through. You go for the expensive surgery with hopes to look good, improve your confidence and instead this nightmare happens and nobody around is equipped to help, even mental health professionals. And nobody even understands how hard is it when parts your face looks wrong, deformed, unnatural. People usually say to me, it's not that bad, you look normal.
But I know that I look off, I see it in the mirror, I am not blind.
And since my surgery I stopped living, I am only surviving and thinking about this damn surgery all the time. Or about my appearance. I can't relax outside home.
It's horrible. Does it get better? Extremely slowly, very painful but you start to realise that this nightmare is not going away and there are only three paths: to keep living like this, try to fix it paying significantly more money with no guarantees or to suicide.
I am still not sure where I am going.

Sorry for making this about myself, it's just unique experience that only people who went through similar experience can understand.
PM me if you would like to talk about it.