Recharging my social battery.

[grimmtheripper]

It really sucks being so high functioning while dealing with mental illness. You're so damn good at smiling and working through the pain that the people around you tend to forget: You're still in pain. They don't understand what it's like to live in your mind for a day; what it truly takes out of you to do simple things like going out or even just a phone call. Then that vicious cycle begins where you gotta leave your own comfort zone and push your anxieties aside to please your friends. You get too overwhelmed, wanna kill myself. Don't go out and now everyone is mad at me? Guess I should kill myself. There really is no winning. You hung out with one friend from your circle this week so why shouldn't you be able to hang out with everyone? Recharging your social battery sounds like a stupid excuse. So then you cave and you go out, but you're uncomfy, you don't talk, and they call you a buzz kill. I'm becoming so exhausted. Not only have I disappointed the very few friends I have left, but now I've disappointed myself. I hate the brain I've been given. Who am I outside of my own mental illness and trauma? The only joy I feel comes from making others happy, which is almost always at the sacrifice of my own feelings.

 

[whatevs]

This sounds a lot like how I feel about life myself. If you seclude, you're fucked, if you don't seclude, chances are you'll be fucked but in a different fashion. The problem follows us around because it is in our mind/brain.

 

[grimmtheripper]

This sounds a lot like how I feel about life myself. If you seclude, you're fucked, if you don't seclude, chances are you'll be fucked but in a different fashion. The problem follows us around because it is in our mind/brain.

Constantly expected to push your own feelings aside, no matter how uncomfortable YOU are, just to comfort the same people who tell you how dramatic you're being when you finally open up and tell them exactly why you're isolating yourself. No matter what, you're the bad guy.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds very tiring what you are going through and I can imagine that it must be hard to carry on. It seems as though in this life it is really hard to escape from suffering. It is a very unfair life as many people are disadvantaged through no fault of their own. I hope that in whatever happens, you find some relief from your situation.

 

[whatevs]

Constantly expected to push your own feelings aside, no matter how uncomfortable YOU are, just to comfort the same people who tell you how dramatic you're being when you finally open up and tell them exactly why you're isolating yourself. No matter what, you're the bad guy.

Be careful now, having no friends can be worse. Think it through and see if you can bargain some understanding from them while understanding yourself that they demand that you give something in return. I haven't had friends in many years and let's just say that I don't recommend it loool

 

[grimmtheripper]

Be careful now, having no friends can be worse. Think it through and see if you can bargain some understanding from them while understanding yourself that they demand that you give something in return. I haven't had friends in many years and let's just say that I don't recommend it loool

Yes, I agree, but are they really the friends i want to have if they'll constantly make me feel bad for having feelings out of my own control? Part of caring for someone means being patient and understanding.