Really torn on contents of 'goodbye' messages to certain people I know

[Sebuet]

Some people have put me in this position of wanting to ctb. However I am not completely blameless. When I go, I will contact them all one last time. Now I'm not really sure if I should let all the hate I feel for them out or make peace. Do people who just watch someone become suicidal and don't care a damn deserve peaceful goodbye? Really torn on this. Kinda don't want last moments to be hate filled. But also feel like they should be aware of what they've done to me.

 

[lost.ghost]

i know what you mean exactly. i'm torn too. i don't want to give those people a goodbye but i also don't know how worthwhile it would be to tell them how awful they were to me

 

[Jumping_realms]

I'm sorry, that's very tough.

My initial thought would be don't give them anything, if they hurt you, it may not even matter much to them.

 

[Anonymous_A]

They way I see it is that imagine if you died right now. Like literally just dropped dead. You wouldn't leave a note. You wouldn't (more so, couldn't) worry about anything that's going on, the people left behind etc.
So, personally I'll just be ctb without leaving anything, sorting anything and just ctb when the times comes/ when I'm pushed to the point of no return.
no point worrying about stuff that's just gonna wobble your head and no matter what you do, the note won't seem fit when your writing it.

 

[Sebuet]

All insightful replies, thanks for that. Ig I just want them to know that part of the blame is on them, even if that sounds petty af. Might leave them with guilt. I really don't want to hate anymore but God knows they make it difficult.

Through all of the stressors that caused this, I did my very best to look out for all of them and consider their perspective. I checked myself into a mental clinic after one particular person who I always considered a good friend got me so mad I wanted to seriously hurt him. I got nothing back and am now accused of being someone who only cared about himself. Meanwhile they all move on w their lifes and leave me all alone with nobody but social workers to talk to, knowing full well I was always a person with little social life.

I just have some stuff that I want to get off my chest before I leave for good. Just not sure in what way I'll communicate it. But there's still a few months to think about that.

I'm sorry, that's very tough.

My initial thought would be don't give them anything, if they hurt you, it may not even matter much to them.

Nah they should hear this. Those people were the only social circle I had and because of that they still matter to me. If they don't care, they don't care, but I do.

They way I see it is that imagine if you died right now. Like literally just dropped dead. You wouldn't leave a note. You wouldn't (more so, couldn't) worry about anything that's going on, the people left behind etc.
So, personally I'll just be ctb without leaving anything, sorting anything and just ctb when the times comes/ when I'm pushed to the point of no return.
no point worrying about stuff that's just gonna wobble your head and no matter what you do, the note won't seem fit when your writing it.

Call me sentimental but I think leaving the world is a big step (kinda the biggest step) and leaving final thoughts behind means a lot. Especially when it's towards individuals who could've prevented this. Not that I'll care when I'm dead, true. It's just that I don't just wanna quietly go without leaving things unsaid.

 

[logan]

In any case, I would make peace with everything and everyone - at least this will give you a good, "pure" feeling at the end.

 

[FuneralCry]

If I was in that situation, and others had put me in this position, I would want to tell them how I feel. Maybe I would try and not be as hateful as I possibly could, but just make them aware.

 

[blue_muse]

You could always strike a balance with your messages, for example, acknowledging each person's role in your life but being tactful about the hurt they've caused you.

 

[summers]

@Sebuet I will send goodbye messages to the people that I love. I don't want to concern myself with my enemies in the time I have left.

Quite honestly, maybe plan some kind of revenge for those who wronged you. If you care going to ctb, what do you have to lose?

 

[NasiGoreng]

I'm sorry they have hurt you. You should do what gives you the most peace before you ctb, and what feels right for you. If it is to call them out you should, or if it is to forgive and send them love you should do that.

 

[ihatemylife]

Some people have put me in this position of wanting to ctb. However I am not completely blameless. When I go, I will contact them all one last time. Now I'm not really sure if I should let all the hate I feel for them out or make peace. Do people who just watch someone become suicidal and don't care a damn deserve peaceful goodbye? Really torn on this. Kinda don't want last moments to be hate filled. But also feel like they should be aware of what they've done to me.

I personally wouldn't feel bad telling them the part the play. People need to be made aware of how their acts effect others in my opinion..

 

[Sebuet]

@Sebuet I will send goodbye messages to the people that I love. I don't want to concern myself with my enemies in the time I have left.

Quite honestly, maybe plan some kind of revenge for those who wronged you. If you care going to ctb, what do you have to lose?

I may have considered something like this. And the possibility of being caught and condemned to subhuman condition mental institution for life is what hold me back. Would need to make sure I go out too

I personally wouldn't feel bad telling them the part the play. People need to be made aware of how their acts effect others in my opinion..

The sickest part is, they all made me aware of how my actions affected them. So I listened to their critique and put in real effort towards changing (long time neet, effort and change is NOT easy for me and they're aware). Checked myset into s mental clinic so I wouldn't cause trouble for them. What I got back was slander ostrsacycm and "don't bother me w Ur problems lol Ur not capable of life in society"
This is all the more worse BC these people were the last "link" I had to larger society. One of them even made a promise years ago when I was p much completely isolated to never abandon me and go through this together. Made me cry tbh. I finally wanted to end eternal neetdom, open up about my issues and was shut down by the few people I had left. Also I should add that I found a very beautiful girl during all of this, she even visited me in the clinic. After I opened up to her about myself, how I struggle with feelings and relationships she saw a Tiktok about narcissists and just like that I was one and she told literally her whole social circle (which was also a large part of my social circle)

You could always strike a balance with your messages, for example, acknowledging each person's role in your life but being tactful about the hurt they've caused you.

This seems like the right way to go. Again, I appreciate all the responses

I'm sorry they have hurt you. You should do what gives you the most peace before you ctb, and what feels right for you. If it is to call them out you should, or if it is to forgive and send them love you should do that.

Still split on that. @blue_muse response seems reasonable
Addendum, I don't want this to come across as only they hurt me. I physically attacked a good friend of mine BC of said girl. Talked a bunch of shit in him after he was being a childish bitch who didn't like that I got the girl he was after for years.
He even dug up old chats of mine and showed them to her in an attempt to get her away. When I found out and told him he will pay for this and went to visit him, the bitch hid behind police.

I'm fully aware that my actions affected others negatively. Is he tho? I don't think so

 

[ihatemylife]

I may have considered something like this. And the possibility of being caught and condemned to subhuman condition mental institution for life is what hold me back. Would need to make sure I go out too

The sickest part is, they all made me aware of how my actions affected them. So I listened to their critique and put in real effort towards changing (long time neet, effort and change is NOT easy for me and they're aware). Checked myset into s mental clinic so I wouldn't cause trouble for them. What I got back was slander ostrsacycm and "don't bother me w Ur problems lol Ur not capable of life in society"
This is all the more worse BC these people were the last "link" I had to larger society. One of them even made a promise years ago when I was p much completely isolated to never abandon me and go through this together. Made me cry tbh. I finally wanted to end eternal neetdom, open up about my issues and was shut down by the few people I had left. Also I should add that I found a very beautiful girl during all of this, she even visited me in the clinic. After I opened up to her about myself, how I struggle with feelings and relationships she saw a Tiktok about narcissists and just like that I was one and she told literally her whole social circle (which was also a large part of my social circle)



This seems like the right way to go. Again, I appreciate all the responses

Still split on that. @blue_muse response seems reasonable
Addendum, I don't want this to come across as only they hurt me. I physically attacked a good friend of mine BC of said girl. Talked a bunch of shit in him after he was being a childish bitch who didn't like that I got the girl he was after for years.
He even dug up old chats of mine and showed them to her in an attempt to get her away. When I found out and told him he will pay for this and went to visit him, the bitch hid behind police.

I'm fully aware that my actions affected others negatively. Is he tho? I don't think so

After thinking further about this. It may be better not to call anyone out. If you do as a defense they might just justify their behavior by saying see he was crazy , blaming others. If you say nothing they will hopefully reflect on how they treated you to see if maybe they should have acted differently . Sometimes leaving someone to wonder is even worse Once they hear about what happened all the bad things they have done to you will be remembered unless the people are total psychopaths. In that case maybe call them out. My bro CTB, no note and the wondering can really torcher a person.

 

[Sebuet]

After thinking further about this. It may be better not to call anyone out. If you do as a defense they might just justify their behavior by saying see he was crazy , blaming others. If you say nothing they will hopefully reflect on how they treated you to see if maybe they should have acted differently . Sometimes leaving someone to wonder is even worse Once they hear about what happened all the bad things they have done to you will be remembered unless the people are total psychopaths. In that case maybe call them out. My bro CTB, no note and the wondering can really torcher a person.

You raise a good point. If there will be any last communication, it'll be me making peace. Also, sorry about your bro.

 

[edu0z]

Some people have put me in this position of wanting to ctb. However I am not completely blameless. When I go, I will contact them all one last time. Now I'm not really sure if I should let all the hate I feel for them out or make peace. Do people who just watch someone become suicidal and don't care a damn deserve peaceful goodbye? Really torn on this. Kinda don't want last moments to be hate filled. But also feel like they should be aware of what they've done to me.

I understand you. When I finally decided it was time to do CTB and finish with everything (a couple of days ago)... I was thinking a lot. There are people I love and people who have hurt me a lot. But to everyone at the end I sent a message saying how good they had done to me and what they had contributed to my life. LLore a lot saying goodbye to the one who was my best friend, is the person I have loved most in this world. Then I put my phone in avio mode and turned it off so I would never use it again. However I didn't tell anyone that I'm going to do CTB, so I don't care if they care or not...
I just want to leave without regrets.
I think you should do what you think gives you a peaceful way out, with a clear conscience.