Really feeling it the last few days

[BornBrief]

I feel anxious to die.

I wanted to wait for some arbitrary things; some tv shows and games that I wanted to experience. Maybe travel if I could once more to somewhere I really wanted to go.

But every month is a coin flip on whether I'll make it through or not. If I can even pay my bills or rent. If covid didn't happen I probably would have been in a different situation and been able to stretch it out longer.

But every month I'm just struggling to make ends meet now. And I don't care anymore. Why can't letting go be easier?

Almost positive the only SN I ordered isn't viable. I felt so excited when I learned about it, thinking I found an answer. And N. But money is tight and SN seems almost entirely inaccessible in Canada.

Just needed to get this out, I guess. Realized the last few days that I'm ready. Mentally I've already accepted it and processed it and it's all I want. So everything else seems pointless.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm so sorry to hear that. But I totally understand what you mean. It's sad to hear it's your only option. And I hope you're 100% sure when the time comes.

 

[FuneralCry]

Death really makes life seem pointless in comparison, I understand that. It is so surreal to think that we won't be here soon so I understand why you are anxious. I wish you all the best with your choice.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate.
Sometimes, we try to "wait" for the right time but depression and anxiety love to change our plans.

Hope you can feel better somehow, dear.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[BornBrief]

Death really makes life seem pointless in comparison, I understand that. It is so surreal to think that we won't be here soon so I understand why you are anxious. I wish you all the best with your choice.

When I say anxious, I moreso mean I just want to get on with it. I more anxious at the thought of not being able to, than the thought of doing it, I think.

Thx <3

I can relate.
Sometimes, we try to "wait" for the right time but depression and anxiety love to change our plans.

Hope you can feel better somehow, dear.

Hugs,

Matt

Yeah.. I had quite a few shows I was excited for but I need to realize there will always be shows to give me some "excuse".

I appreciate it.. maybe it's just a bad few days but I don't feel particularly sad about myself. Maybe stressed about the future. But overall my mood isn't even bad... I am just pretty neutral overall.

A hug would be really nice right now for sure. Thanks :)