3FailedAttemptss
trans girl (｀・ω・´)
- Jan 22, 2025
- 226
I've fully embraced being a suicider lately. The means are in my possession. The protocol is solid. I could be gone in a few days if I wanted to be. I've done the math. I have everything I need to join the 10% of schizophrenics who die by suicide.
But I'm still here. Still breathing. I have to survive until the 10th. Because my crush is performing in a play and I have premiere tickets. It feels so wrong. It feels so weird like I'm going to die and nothing matters so why am I staying alive for this play? Like yeah, nothing matters. It's just so weird to me. It's just so weird that I'm finally dying.
I look at the sodium nitrite and I know it's real. I look at the tickets and I feel this stupid, heavy obligation. I feel like I'm betraying the whole reason I'm here. I'm finally dying and here I am, tethered to a Tuesday night.
Am I fooling myself? Is it worth staying alive for one night? Am I a poser? Would a real suicidal person stay alive for one last night? Is it okay to want to live for something even though I've decided to die?
But I'm still here. Still breathing. I have to survive until the 10th. Because my crush is performing in a play and I have premiere tickets. It feels so wrong. It feels so weird like I'm going to die and nothing matters so why am I staying alive for this play? Like yeah, nothing matters. It's just so weird to me. It's just so weird that I'm finally dying.
I look at the sodium nitrite and I know it's real. I look at the tickets and I feel this stupid, heavy obligation. I feel like I'm betraying the whole reason I'm here. I'm finally dying and here I am, tethered to a Tuesday night.
Am I fooling myself? Is it worth staying alive for one night? Am I a poser? Would a real suicidal person stay alive for one last night? Is it okay to want to live for something even though I've decided to die?
