Im ready to die. Everyday is just an extension of pain. Im waiting on SN but i cant find an antiemetic recommended in Stans guide that doesn't interact with my effexor xr medication. Im tired of spending hours trying to find how to get it without a prescription. Im fed up, if my SN comes im just gonna take a huge huge amount and hope i die even if i vomit. Is this reliable?? Im sure it is since surely some SN will get absorbed even if i vomit. I just don't want to end up a vegetable or wake up in the stupid hospital, and be forced to live by people that don't care about my pain. If i make another failed attempt, it will be extremely hard for me to end my life peacefully, and ill be forced to jump in front of a train for example.
Also, im getting impatient and cant stand one more day alive. Im considering taking a ride to a bridge that's 900 feet high and jumping. But its not reliable since its gained popularity for people commiting suicide. Thus, the people who work there are assholes to people who come alone and monitor them closely and take pictures of them. And walk beside them, the whole time. Im sure i can outrun these workers but the bridge has also added a fence for security that looks a bit awkward to climb. Im positive i can climb it, but they will likely catch up to me. And i can punch them off me no problem but im scared that one of them clings to tightly and when i leap off they come down with me. Im willing to pursue this CTB method even though im terrified of heights but its not guaranteed that ill complete the jump which is discouraging and it will drain all the money i have left to get there, as im getting a ride. So i can end up spending allot of money and failing, plus ill almost certainly have to deal with asshole workers whichever way it goes.
I don't know what to do, im stressed out. Why does CTB peacefully have to be so difficult and inaccessible. Its like society wants us to suffer every second of our existence, up to our death. In the perfect world i would've CTB a long time ago.
Also, im getting impatient and cant stand one more day alive. Im considering taking a ride to a bridge that's 900 feet high and jumping. But its not reliable since its gained popularity for people commiting suicide. Thus, the people who work there are assholes to people who come alone and monitor them closely and take pictures of them. And walk beside them, the whole time. Im sure i can outrun these workers but the bridge has also added a fence for security that looks a bit awkward to climb. Im positive i can climb it, but they will likely catch up to me. And i can punch them off me no problem but im scared that one of them clings to tightly and when i leap off they come down with me. Im willing to pursue this CTB method even though im terrified of heights but its not guaranteed that ill complete the jump which is discouraging and it will drain all the money i have left to get there, as im getting a ride. So i can end up spending allot of money and failing, plus ill almost certainly have to deal with asshole workers whichever way it goes.
I don't know what to do, im stressed out. Why does CTB peacefully have to be so difficult and inaccessible. Its like society wants us to suffer every second of our existence, up to our death. In the perfect world i would've CTB a long time ago.
