Random thoughts

[Meditation guide]

This love don't change. This love stays the same. This love lands on you like a butterfly lands on a flower. Look at the butterfly. You really think it only deserves to land on one flower?

 

[again_noidea]

I was thinking about how is life possible and how I born. We are a huge group of cells, what is the difference between me and one of the million of microorganisms inside me? Am I one of this cells or the result of something more advanced, the product of the union of millions of cells? Between all species in this world why an human? Why not a wild animal of even a plant? Was I destined to have capacity for thinking about this or is just coincidence?
It's almost impossible for us being alive. Very specific reactions were need for creating an habitable planet, creating the first primal cells and years of evolution. My family had to survive during generarions and their ancestors before the humans existed. My parents were to conceive me in the exact moment. And even with all this, I was one against millions of spermatozoons. The chances are so ridiculously low that is an absolute mistery how I am alive.

I feel like I'm trying to think about something superior to me. Too many questions without answer, so much desolation. I'm getting very confused with this.

it is indeed a mystery. many books have been writen about that question. we still have no answer. i while ago i read a good book that gave me some insights, at least about our own psyche and how it deals with our inevitable death, its called "the denial of death" by Ernest Becker

 

[Lmd]

I'm so happy to finally dream again. I wish I could stay in bed all day having fun...

 

[Meditation guide]

I stayed asleep long enough to have two dreams I remembered last night.

 

[motel rooms]

Bigots everywhere... This is what they posted on a forum for suicidal people many of whom are gay guys, non-whites & immigrants -

"I find most gay men to be overly effeminate, unitelligent, liberal brainwashed lisping tools and I cannot stand them [Not everyone, just most that I've met IRL and OL]
I do not suppport anyone under the age of of 25 committing suicide unless they are facing and actual lifelong terminal physical illnes.
I find 9/10 of Amerikans to be too stupid to be bothered with.
There should be a complete and ruthless deportaliation of all immigrants and non-europeans from Scandinavia regardless of legal status there."

 

[Meditation guide]

Bigots everywhere... This is what they posted on a forum for suicidal people many of whom are gay guys, non-whites & immigrants -

"I find most gay men to be overly effeminate, unitelligent, liberal brainwashed lisping tools and I cannot stand them [Not everyone, just most that I've met IRL and OL]
I do not suppport anyone under the age of of 25 committing suicide unless they are facing and actual lifelong terminal physical illnes.
I find 9/10 of Amerikans to be too stupid to be bothered with.
There should be a complete and ruthless deportaliation of all immigrants and non-europeans from Scandinavia regardless of legal status there."

It's meant to be shocking and repulsive and yes surprise surprise this is the thought process lots of people have. Just ignore it. It's meant to offend and we are taking the bait.

 

[motel rooms]

It's meant to be shocking and repulsive and yes surprise surprise this is the thought process lots of people have. Just ignore it. It's meant to offend and we are taking the bait.

Well, that's what being alive is all about - taking the bait like a fool. Can't wait to spit it out

 

[Seaghost]

Had to beeing rude to the one I've feelings for.
I didn't like it but it was neccessary. The person was aware hurt me a few weeks ago.

I think this file will be closed right know cause I don't believe I'll get an answer but it's ok...well not ok...it is wat it is and I need to be able to look in the mirror again and that wouldn't be possible if I had kept silent.

So sad....that wasnt the way this project should run.

Sorry for my english

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm finished looking for things in people that aren't there, things like depth, caring, sensitivity, empathy.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

It's my birthday today and I'm spending it alone. I sang myself happy birthday and I'm currently eating the cake I made for myself. I'm a cancer(water sign super affected by the moon) and right now it's raining but tonight there is a super moon. I also came into this world 22 years ago on a Thursday and it just so happens to be a Thursday today so I can't stop thinking how fitting it would be to leave the same day under these circumstances(rain&moon) 22 years later after I was born.

 

[Meditation guide]

It's my birthday today and I'm spending it alone. I sang myself happy birthday and I'm currently eating the cake I made for myself. I'm a cancer(water sign super affected by the moon) and right now it's raining but tonight there is a super moon. I also came into this world 22 years ago on a Thursday and it just so happens to be a Thursday today so I can't stop thinking how fitting it would be to leave the same day under these circumstances(rain&moon) 22 years later after I was born.

Happy birthday! I'm there with you in spirit.

 

[mini_weeny]

It's my birthday today and I'm spending it alone. I sang myself happy birthday and I'm currently eating the cake I made for myself. I'm a cancer(water sign super affected by the moon) and right now it's raining but tonight there is a super moon. I also came into this world 22 years ago on a Thursday and it just so happens to be a Thursday today so I can't stop thinking how fitting it would be to leave the same day under these circumstances(rain&moon) 22 years later after I was born.

You are so young, I wish you had the support and love you deserve so that you could live a full and happy life. You also seem to be a kind soul. Sending you good wishes and I'm hoping things can change and you get a second chance in life and happiness.

 

[http-410]

This drilling noise is driving me crazy.

As if I wasn't exhausted enough already, no, it just keeps getting worse. I'm too tired to get away from the noise. There is no escape, neither in my mind nor in the outside world. It is too loud, it is too much, no matter where I go.

 

[grungeCat]

Friday, getting drunk alone to forget about... how this reality sucks. I know it's unhealthy and wrong but at least I'm not hurting anyone but myself.

 

[http-410]

This is so, so sad.

One might think to become dull after reading many goodbye threads, but it's always tragic when people off themselves.

Is this really what they wanted?

Is it what I want? It is a logical consequence, there is no other choice. Whether I want it or not, it doesn't matter.

It is awful what a person has to go through before they can bring themselves to do it.

I hope it was quick or it didn't happen at all.

 

[whatliesbeyond]

I don't need it, I don't need it, I NEEEEEEED Metoclopramide, but can't get.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm kinda downnnn.... feels bad.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

You called me for the first time in forever and the call disconnected. I'm not sure if it was on purpose or on accident but the amount of abandonment issues you left me with is amplifying the hurt I am feeling even more now. I wish I could stop crying because I feel so stupid but in 25 minutes, it's going to be my father who passed away birthday and it's really all too much to handle right now. I want to purge and pick up a razor right now, it all feels horrible and I need some sort of control back in my life.

 

[omoidarui]

mfw the biggest news story is Matt Hancock kissing someone

no one curr! only saddos would care about something like that lol

 

[Seaghost]

The pressure has decreased. But it destroyed the evening.
There was such a big feeling of beeing dead...need to be dead.
I'm scared what the day will bring. It's 3:43am.

 

[_Kaira_]

Why the fuck do I continue to care about someone who doesn't give a rat's ass about me? Why do I put myself through pain and torment for someone who wishes I was either not here or dead?

Why am I so alone and pathetic? My heart hurts. I wish I could stop thinking about him. I wish the high could still take away my pain. Fuck.

 

[http-410]

Tachycardia/panic attacks are awful.

As usual, I woke up way too early today after too little sleep and thought I'd try a new supplement to get back to sleep. I didn't really expect any effect, but ten minutes later I had a severe panic attack (the first after many months) with shortness of breath, tingling extremities and a strange feeling in my head. I got up and drank a lot of water, my legs felt like jello. I was already imagining ending up in the hospital, but luckily it went away on its own, even though the tingling sensation occurred a few times afterwards.

Apparently these reactions can occur, as I read afterwards, but at this intensity it seems to be rather uncommon or to happen at too high dosages.

After that, I couldn't sleep at all. Every time I was about to fall asleep, I felt like I was going to faint. At some point I had tried to just let it happen, but there was like a barrier that I couldn't overcome. I don't know yet if I should just pop another sleeping pill today.

If a supplement like that already triggers reactions like that, I don't even want to know what SN feels like.

I guess beta blockers are essential for me then.

This sucks.

 

[Meditation guide]

6/28/21 4:12 a.m. Still alive.

 

[Mixo]

There's no one to turn to now. No one.

Today would be a great day to die. Just a couple more and I think I'm finally going to be free of this hellish place.

 

[Lefty]

Ugh too hot these days. Still trying to find and learn more about living off the grid.

 

[http-410]

I need to wean myself off that crap. Feeling even more foggy is not a solution.

 

[Symbiote]

"It gets better" and "talk to someone" and "you're not alone" and all those other maxims very rarely translate into action beyond throwing a phone number at people and thinking that'll magically make it better. Seeking resources isn't pointless but the day-to-day connection between people has turned into a race to get the magic words out without ever having to face the reality of somebody else's hardship.

 

[Meditation guide]

I cannot relax.

 

[MountKecske]

I reached a new milestone in depression I don't need benzodiazepines to wind me down, no more panicking and anxiety because I don't dare to hope to get better(and worry about my future)

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Do chickens have pockets! And why are they so keen to get to the other side of the road???