Quitting weed. Day two and already fucked up

[trying ungracefully]

I am on a forced tolerance break and I thought to quit to better my MH and stop the terrible feelings. I began to feel like the addiction kiwi and that's when I knew I really needed to quit. When I run out and can't get more it's terrible and I am tired of it.

So I slowed down my use half way into smoking my last cart (2 days) and then ran out completely yesterday. I found a moon rock though so I smoked that twice to get a tiny bit high, I didn't use a lot. Yesterday it was bad with the withdrawal because usually I am high majority of the day. I was severely anxious and had a break down and fight with my boyfriend.

Today it was a bit better. I felt really sick for a long time, couldn't eat, anxious, and restless. But I felt more clear headed with my anxiety and I was able to actually deescalate a situation with my boyfriend which is rare.

But I got until about 6pm before I found a cart with a drop left and took a hit of it. Tomorrow my boyfriend is also getting a cart for his birthday and I am honestly going to probably smoke it with him as my last hurrah. But it makes me feel like such a fuck up because I want to quit and I couldn't even make it two days. It made me feel bad too because my boyfriend and I were talking and he was saying how "it's not like you look for every last hit." I actually do, I smoke them until there is nothing left.

I am really the addiction kiwi though.

 

[MonkeyButter]

I'm a recovering addict. Three days ago I stopped using weed. Your symptoms will improve over the next few days trust me. I've been going thru the cold sweats, no appetite, no sleep, anger, anxiety and hopelessness. It's getting better pretty quick.

A relapse is expected and totally normal. It's not a sign of weakness. I would try to just forget that it happened and just focus on not smoking weed for the next hour. And then you can try for another hour until you can make it an entire day and so on. It gets easier as you go.

 

[Forveleth]

It takes most people 10+ tries to quit an addiction. Quitting is not about how long can you go, it is about how many times can you keep trying. Do not beat yourself up over it, acknowledge that it happened and move on.

The important thing to do is take note of what happened and make changes to avoid the same situation in the future. You said you smoked because you found some. When you decided to quit, did you go through your house and get rid of all of your weed? You should do that to prevent this from happening again.

You are worried about your boyfriend getting weed for his birthday and you smoking it. Does he know you are trying to quit? Is he willing to change his behavior (not smoking around you, not offering you any) to help you quit? If he is not actually willing to do things to be supportive of you quitting, are you willing to walk away from him in favor of making your life better?

Plenty of addicts here who know how you feel. It is a struggle, but it is so worth getting out from under that burden. Good luck!

 

[trying ungracefully]

hen you decided to quit, did you go through your house and get rid of all of your weed?

Yeah I haven't done that yet, I hoard carts and have two moon rocks left so I definitely need to do that.

You are worried about your boyfriend getting weed for his birthday and you smoking it. Does he know you are trying to quit? Is he willing to change his behavior (not smoking around you, not offering you any) to help you quit? If he is not actually willing to do things to be supportive of you quitting, are you willing to walk away from him in favor of making your life better?

Yeah he know and after his birthday I told him not to smoke around me at least in the beginning and then I can see how I feel about it later.

Thank you.

 

[Lost in a Nightmare]

I'm severely addicted to alcohol so I know what it's like, even though I have no intention of trying to quit. Just today, I returned some pop bottles at the grocery store and dug through my change bucket so I could get 2 shots of rum. Sounds like something only an addict would do, but I did it anyway.

Even though I don't want to quit myself, I wish you the best of luck in doing so.

 

[trying ungracefully]

Thank you everyone. I did end up smoking yesterday but I am still planning on continuing not doing it. Today is easier, probably because it's still in my system more. I'm going to have to start filling up my time more so I want to start volunteering at least 3 times a week. It's not long, 2 hours, but it will give me something to focus on. I've been doing "unproductive" stuff for today though, I played sims and another game for hours. I'm not in my room which helps too because I get bored in my room so I want to smoke more.

I also talked to my psychiatrist and she told me to up my gabapentin in the morning from 300mg to 600mg which I think would probably help with the anxiety that is going to come again.

Today I have been eating a lot more too. I ate two slices of flat bread pizza, an ice cream bar, two potato skins, and now I am about to have some yogurt with raspberries and granola. I'm hoping with me not smoking I do end up losing weight because I am not having the munchies, even after that long I'd still get it. Idk if it was meds or munchies making me gain 20lb over the years and I am going to find out lol. I think with me not smoking it might get me more active because I would smoke indica and it would get me really lazy.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I did quit smoking/vaporizing weed after smoking a little over 1g daily for basically 10 year in late March this year because I had to for a psychosomatic mental health clinic. The first week I slept poorly (also influenced by other factors and had strong addictive pressure) after that it became relatively easy to stay abstinent, but this might have been influenced by the fact that I knew I had to in order to not be thrown out of the clinic and also not having it on hand during the week (although I could've easily smoked on the the weekends when I was at home sometimes). I massively substituted with smoking way more tobacco / cigarettes than I used to tho.

When I got released from there 7 weeks later in early May I still had like 20g of weed left and due to feeling overall more horrible than before my stay in the clinic I started consuming again. When I realised it didn't have the desired effects of partly relieving me of my mental pains I opted to only smoke once in the evening before sleep (also due to my night medication not being supplied in time because of issues with health insurance and doctors appointments, so I ran dry on that). Eventually I made it to a point where I didn't every evening but only every 3 days or so before finally stopping alltogether when there was only very little left of my supply. It seemed that overall none of this did really affect my mental health anymore in the way it used to before (somewhat stablizing me at a still bad status quo). After some weeks of complete abstinence I tried smoking in the evening again because everything was getting to much for me and it did somewhat relieve me of that feeling of total hopelessness and made it easier to fall asleep, but only as long as I was high. I shortly afterwards (like 3 weeks ago) ran completely out of weed and haven't bought anything ever since March. I thankfully got my night medication back at that point after sorting out the issues with the health insurance and getting another doctors appointment.

I'm still not set on whether or not weed would help me to feel less hopeless and dreadful every day or if it would be a good idea to start again, but for now I've decided to pursue another round of treatment with prescribed meds and another stay in a mental health institution, so I'm not allowed if I don't want to fuck that up. The system here in Germany generally despises medical cannabis and most doctors or institutions have a zero tolerance policy, so...

My general conclusion on the addiction that I definitely had is, it's mainly triggered by (social) situations and places and not so much a general thing, at least for me. Maybe any part of this experience is helpful to you.

 

[imagonner]

i used to smoke cannabis resin, but i was able to give it up easily. i stopped because it made my depression much worse. i ended up trying to ctb, but was unsuccessful (obviously...). after the attempt, my depression got even worse, if that is possible, and i ended up attacking a cop for no reason. after all that, i decided that cannabis was doing more harm than good, so i quit.

 

[Insufficent]

Cannabis is a horrible drug, the video explains it perfectly. Had a point in my life where i could be with or without it. After smoking i just wanted the feeling to stop. Can't say it was a high cause I got so huge tolerance. Quitting was easy but staying away was hard. Peer support was the answer for me.

 

[kurikaesu]

i have a friend in rehab for weed, greatly upsets me when people disrespect it by saying things like "weeds not addictive" or that he doesnt have a real problem. me and him took a month T break in jan this year and i think that really helped him. weed has some bad effects on your mental health if you arent careful

 

[trying ungracefully]

i have a friend in rehab for weed, greatly upsets me when people disrespect it by saying things like "weeds not addictive" or that he doesnt have a real problem. me and him took a month T break in jan this year and i think that really helped him. weed has some bad effects on your mental health if you arent careful

Yeah my therapist was talking about an outpatient rehab program. I was telling her how it would embarrass me because I feel like it's not as real of an addiction as others. I've seen all the jokes made about weed users in rehab and it just makes me feel bad. The group might seem worth it though because I am letting my boyfriend buy me another cart :/ I decreased my use but I haven't quit fully because he got a cart and now he is letting me borrow it for a night because of how much I crave it.

 

[Chili]

You're not a fuck up. It is so hard to quit cold turkey. You will relapse, and it's part of the journey. It's hard, but it's one step at a time. And, it's damn hard to do if your partner and friends are doing it around you. Do you think your boyfriend would be okay with not using it around you and putting his carts up? Wishing you all the love, friend.

 

[21Guns]

Did you smoke any specific strains bro ?

 

[jayjay95]

Weed is a tough one. I've been smoking almost every day since I was maybe 19 and I'm 31 now. A few times I've tried quitting, which always seemed to go well, but then I would relapse (everyone who is close to me is usually also a pot head and it makes it really hard to get away from the influence). I know quitting would be helpful, but I got to a point where my depression was so bad that I don't have the will power to try for almost anything. I've been getting counseling and psychiatric help for over 10 years (counseling since I was 13 and then drug guinea pig since 23). The shifts of moods from trying different drugs can be so insane. Almost all counselors of psychiatrist don't really bring up or question my marijuana use, and there for I tend to leave it out, which I think is a disservice to myself, but an hour of therapy goes by fast when you are an isolated individual. I don't really have to right to tell someone to keep trying, but I think it's awesome you are. Trying can become crippling, but the ones who keep trying give hope to those who feel they can't anymore, so thank you

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Almost all counselors of psychiatrist don't really bring up or question my marijuana use, and there for I tend to leave it out, which I think is a disservice to myself, but an hour of therapy goes by fast when you are an isolated individual.

Bringing it up never really did come with any positives. I had 2 therapists and 1 psychiatrist so far who accepted it but most of them and all other psychiatrists have been completely opposed to it despite it's been proven by now that it had a stabilising effect for me. Also you get a written diagnosis about harmful usage that taints every future interaction with the mental health care system. I'm in Germany tho, it might be different in the US or wherever you are.

 

[jayjay95]

Bringing it up never really did come with any positives. I had 2 therapists and 1 psychiatrist so far who accepted it but most of them and all other psychiatrists have been completely opposed to it despite it's been proven by now that it had a stabilising effect for me. Also you get a written diagnosis about harmful usage that taints every future interaction with the mental health care system. I'm in Germany tho, it might be different in the US or wherever you are.

Yeah, I feel you there and you guessed it im in US. I've been through so many counselors too, idk what to believe anymore. I do know, I have an unhealthy dependence on it, but at the same time it has saved my ass over and over again. The first time I "attempted" as a teen, I remember coming out of the hospital and starting to smoke weed and it was the one thing that actually worked to bring me peace that wasn't like.... klonopin. I've also been on a lot of medication which usually has brought more issues than relief (I know the RIGHT medications bring relief, but you literally have to try so many different pills till you find you 'match' and it's just such a toxic cycle).

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I've also been on a lot of medication which usually has brought more issues than relief (I know the RIGHT medications bring relief, but you literally have to try so many different pills till you find you 'match' and it's just such a toxic cycle).

Same, I have never found any that actually worked, just suffered from the side effects of countless SSRIs. I guess that's not entirely true, Diazepam also worked to make me less sad because it stops you to care about anything pretty much. But my current psychiatrist won't give it to me again as it seems. Now I'm trying Duloxetine, a SNRI, but I don't have much hope it will do much except cause erectile dysfunction like all the other SSRIs did.

 

[jayjay95]

Same, I have never found any that actually worked, just suffered from the side effects of countless SSRIs. I guess that's not entirely true, Diazepam also worked to make me less sad because it stops you to care about anything pretty much. But my current psychiatrist won't give it to me again as it seems. Now I'm trying Duloxetine, a SNRI, but I don't have much hope it will do much except cause erectile dysfunction like all the other SSRIs did.

YES! I agree I've been on medication that make me completely numb and feel nothing. I'm back on Wellbutrin and they want to raise it because I'm miserable with barely any motivation, but it being a stimulant can also make me very anxious. Lately, I just kind of feel like no matter what they give me, I will not be happy, because of my life circumstances and the state of the world/society. I know that would be considered an "Irrational thought" by my therapist, but I question if it's really irrational, as its all based of facts and experiences.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I know that would be considered an "Irrational thought" by my therapist, but I question if it's really irrational, as its all based of facts and experiences.

They probably mean that you can't predict the future based on facts and experiences because the possibility space is endless and inherently to complex to predict and therefore can't be rationally predicted. But I get where you coming from and I share the sentiment of why would I expect better outcomes in the future if the premises are even worse than in the past where stuff already did not work out. In the end rationality doesn't produce joy and happiness, probably quite the contrary – irrationality, not overthinking stuff and a certain amount of luck produces good outcomes and circumstances and that is way more likely to produce joy and happiness.

 

[jayjay95]

They probably mean that you can't predict the future based on facts and experiences because the possibility space is endless and inherently to complex to predict and therefore can't be rationally predicted. But I get where you coming from and I share the sentiment of why would I expect better outcomes in the future if the premises are even worse than in the past where stuff already did not work out. In the end rationality doesn't produce joy and happiness, probably quite the contrary – irrationality, not overthinking stuff and a certain amount of luck produces good outcomes and circumstances and that is way more likely to produce joy and happiness.

Yeah no, you got it right on the nose, and they are right, I cannot predict the outcome of the future. That being said, I seek out too much knowledge and unfortunately the more you know the less hope you will probably have. Also, is it better to quote than to reply on a thread? I'm new here and don't really know the difference/etiquette

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

That being said, I seek out too much knowledge and unfortunately the more you know the less hope you will probably have.

"Ignorance is bliss" or what do they say? xD Yeah I had that realisation, too. Not sure what to do with it tho, I tend to usurp knowledge, it's one of the best and worst traits of ADHD at the same time.

Also, is it better to quote than to reply on a thread? I'm new here and don't really know the difference/etiquette

I like to quote like this so people know what my answer is referring to, but it's really just a matter of preference. You can select text in a post and click on quote or reply to that as well depending if you want to just quote certain parts or the whole post (normal buttons) and whether or not you like to first gather all the quotes (quote button) or have them pile up in the editor immediately (reply button), again a matter of preference.
I also lose my train of thought fast, so I usually gather quotes as I read if there is something I want to answer to any specific statement or passage.
I don't think there's any specific etiquette but I personally find full quotes often confusing or not helpful.

 

[trying ungracefully]

Did you smoke any specific strains bro ?

Indica only. It's what my psychiatrist told me to smoke as harm reduction because of my bipolar.

And it's just so hard to quit I can't stick to it. I get so angry and can't enjoy things. I tried playing a game and I actually couldn't handle how angry I was getting.

 

[todienomore]

Get sunlight throughout the day, even in the shade works. Especially mid morning like 9-10am, before high UV.

Consider breaking related patterns, dont overthink it, just do things differently.

Maybe decide to sacrifice the addiction for some specific thing, have a reason why that you keep in mind.

This book is worth skimming

https://annas-archive.gl/search?q=Atomic+habits&check=1