Purging to avoid feeling anything...

[hellodarkness]

To be clear I don't have a diagnosed ED or anything. But when I am under intense stress (which I have been all week) and I know I have to wait until June to CTB...I just make myself throw up to shake the empty, aching feeling in my chest, and the voice is drowned out for a while. Sometimes I wonder if its just me on my OCD bullshit because I have to do everything a particular way when I purge.

Does anyone else do this who does not have an ED?

 

[the_final_countdown]

I've heard people who are autistic tend to have a greater tendency to be bulimic.

Are you sensitive to certain sounds, textures, sensations?

 

[hellodarkness]

I've heard people who are autistic tend to have a greater tendency to be bulimic.

Are you sensitive to certain sounds, textures, sensations?

I'm a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic with comorbid OCD, but definitely not on the ASD train. It's more of a "make this feeling stop" thing. If it weren't icy as fuck I'd go run 20 or 30 miles for the same effect, but Canada.

 

[the_final_countdown]

I'm sorry friend. I'm sorry.

I send you love. I know it doesn't mean much, but if it's any consolation, one day all this will end.

Eventually and one day.

 

[signifying nothing]

Edit: can't leave up what I posted.

 

[hellodarkness]

Edit: can't leave up what I posted.

It's cool, I read it before the edit. I wasn't offended by the implication, a lot of people in my line of work have EDs to stay competitive.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I've been bulimic for almost 35 years. At first it was an addiction. Now it's just a convenient tool to get rid of emotions I can't handle. Quite often these days.

 

[signifying nothing]

It's cool, I read it before the edit. I wasn't offended by the implication, a lot of people in my line of work have EDs to stay competitive.

It was also what I said about myself. Still having trouble knowing where to draw the line in disclosing stuff.

 

[hellodarkness]

It was also what I said about myself. Still having trouble knowing where to draw the line in disclosing stuff.

I understand, I have to be very mindful of it myself or a quick Google search could easily bring me up. I appreciated your response nonetheless

 

[xLosthopex]

This is my main coping mechanism at the moment
I've had Anorexia since I was 14, have dealt with both the restrictive and binge/purge subtypes
I currently binge/purge at least 5x a day, I can't stop, but also don't want to stop because it's the only thing getting me through the day rn

 

[SadJessu]

I have Atypical Anorexia, so purging is par for the course, but I also have pretty severe OCD and Panic Disorder. Sometimes I'd purge not because I was trying to lose weight, but simply because it made the thoughts stop for a brief period of time. It's like a quiet moment when I could expel all of the negative feelings physically, if that makes any sense.

 

[hellodarkness]

I have Atypical Anorexia, so purging is par for the course, but I also have pretty severe OCD and Panic Disorder. Sometimes I'd purge not because I was trying to lose weight, but simply because it made the thoughts stop for a brief period of time. It's like a quiet moment when I could expel all of the negative feelings physically, if that makes any sense.

It really does, I'm sorry you also go through that. OCD never stops being rough af. I don't feel I have a legitimate eating disorder though, I just fail to cope with life I guess.