I feel so guilty all the time full of regret for things I could have done better in life. I know I need to die im now on the case to acquiring N. I'm in physical agony 24/7 with permanent nerve damage to skull & connective tissues.
Yet I'm staying with my elderly parents who aren't coping with my need to die. Accept it but don't want to. I never spent enough time with my family until now & it's too late now me bed ridden. I never expected my life to end up like this. Never imagined in less than a year it could become unbearable to live. I always had some issues but nothing that warranted me wanting to die 24hrs a day every day.
Yet I'm still trying to please them while I wait to end my life Helping mum with her pc issues, then tonight they discovered a leak in the roof & she's crying saying she couldn't cope without me or dad. And now I feel guilty again tho it's not my fault I have an incurable torturous physical ilness. She doesn't want me suffering but I know she & dad don't want me to die. I know they won't cope. U should be burying them not the other way round. Will I be able to overcome SI when I get N despite my debilitating pain I feel ill still be lying in agony choking on my own phlegm unable to go through with it due to guilt. I need to find a way to put myself 1st & stop worrying about how it'll affect them. I just wish I weren't the only child. I wish I had shown them how much I love them much earlier in life before it was too late. I get so emotional seeing them upset & knowing I'm contributing to their inability to cope.
Yet I'm staying with my elderly parents who aren't coping with my need to die. Accept it but don't want to. I never spent enough time with my family until now & it's too late now me bed ridden. I never expected my life to end up like this. Never imagined in less than a year it could become unbearable to live. I always had some issues but nothing that warranted me wanting to die 24hrs a day every day.
Yet I'm still trying to please them while I wait to end my life Helping mum with her pc issues, then tonight they discovered a leak in the roof & she's crying saying she couldn't cope without me or dad. And now I feel guilty again tho it's not my fault I have an incurable torturous physical ilness. She doesn't want me suffering but I know she & dad don't want me to die. I know they won't cope. U should be burying them not the other way round. Will I be able to overcome SI when I get N despite my debilitating pain I feel ill still be lying in agony choking on my own phlegm unable to go through with it due to guilt. I need to find a way to put myself 1st & stop worrying about how it'll affect them. I just wish I weren't the only child. I wish I had shown them how much I love them much earlier in life before it was too late. I get so emotional seeing them upset & knowing I'm contributing to their inability to cope.
