Discussion [Poll] In your case, is your ctb self-love or self-loathing ?

[spellbound]

Personally, I do have a lot of deep rooted self hatred, and I have to admit, I'm not exactly sure where it's coming from for the most part. I do justify it every day by being an absolute loser tho. Despite hating myself so much, I do consider my suicide an act of self love. In that instance, I put my well being before all of the people that care about me and want me to stay. So I guess there is a part of me that loves me and want what's best for me. So yeah, for me it's self love.
But I'd be curious to know if more people think like me or do it out of self hatred. So yeah please vote and if you want to elaborate on the topic I'd be curious to exchange with yall.

 

[Forveleth]

It is neither for me. It is merely a choice to and my life earlier than would occur naturally as I am tired of existing.

 

[spellbound]

It is neither for me. It is merely a choice to and my life earlier than would occur naturally as I am tired of existing.

Well, if you are tired and want to put an end to that pain, wouldn't that be taking care of yourself ? And isn't taking care of your best interests motivated by self love ? That's my logic at least but I'm interested in understanding how you think

 

[Playingwiththedead]

Personally, I do have a lot of deep rooted self hatred, and I have to admit, I'm not exactly sure where it's coming from for the most part. I do justify it every day by being an absolute loser tho. Despite hating myself so much, I do consider my suicide an act of self love. In that instance, I put my well being before all of the people that care about me and want me to stay. So I guess there is a part of me that loves me and want what's best for me. So yeah, for me it's self love.
But I'd be curious to know if more people think like me or do it out of self hatred. So yeah please vote and if you want to elaborate on the topic I'd be curious to exchange with yall.

Im not sure, because its not my fault. Its because of how horrible everyone is and how horrible my experience on this planet has been. Just the general good and bad that comes with life i cant deal with anymore, i only want the good. I am suffering and want to end the suffering, you could say thats self-love. But i also hate how i am perceived and even being perceived in general, so maybe thats self-loathing. But these come from reasons outside myself, there is nothing wrong with me.

 

[lonely_potato]

It used to be out of self loathing. In fact, it was like that for most of my life. Then, I figured out myself in my late twenties, and I no longer hate myself. That didn't change the fact I still wanted to kill myself. Now, I don't know if I would call it self-love, but it isn't hate anymore. Just a tired acceptance that this urge to die will never go away.

 

[Defatigatis]

Self-love, for sure. I don't think i deserve all that suffering that comes with living in this planet and my life context.

 

[spellbound]

Im not sure, because its not my fault. Its because of how horrible everyone is and how horrible my experience on this planet has been. Just the general good and bad that comes with life i cant deal with anymore, i only want the good. I am suffering and want to end the suffering, you could say thats self-love. But i also hate how i am perceived and even being perceived in general, so maybe thats self-loathing. But these come from reasons outside myself, there is nothing wrong with me.

I honestly feel a lot like this. I also hate being perceived, and even tho I hate myself and I'm a complete loser, I don't think there's anything inherently "wrong" with me

Self-love, for sure. I don't think i deserve all that suffering that comes with living in this planet and my life context.

That's honestly sad yet beautiful

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's mostly self love. I see it as one day (hopefully) rescuing myself from all this. It's not exactly self hate but, I do also acknowledge that part of the problem is me. I'm no longer even trying to fit into this world. While I acknowledge that's inadequate, I don't much care. I don't hate myself for it now either. I just see it as fairly predictable- given my life experiences.

Plus- I don't value/ rate this world enough to motivate me to even want to be a part of it! So- most of my ideation is about self interest/ self compassion/ love to remove myself from harm.