planning my death while getting through the day only makes things worse

[kasa]

i put off every single thing i don't want to do. with the thought "i'm going to die anyway, so what's the point?" i just fall further and further behind.
the only people who'd praise me for simply surviving are psychiatrists. to everyone else i probably just look like a lazy idiot making excuses. and yet i can't even ctb properly. pathetic