First post. I just want to ramble I guess.
Life is just awful, but it has gotten better. I don't think that really matters since I'm not really cut out for life.
My main goal is to ctb in bed. I don't think there's much to stay for. My best friend is important to me, I wish I could be his girlfriend, but I'm bpd. He's also in another country and probably doesn't like me as much as I like him.
I've looked for SN and KN but haven't found a source pure enough that doesn't require permits. Regulations I suppose. I've done some research into extraction of SN from curing salt #1 with ethanol. It's kinda promising except for the part where I have to hide evaporating ethanol from my family. Chemical stability is a concern for me since if I abort an attempt, I'd like to be ready for the next.
A lot of the alternatives I could be interested in are also not viable. I think you can make Sodium Azide except it's explosive which turns faux compassion into a possible prison sentence. I also can't drive, but the thought of carrying a nitrogen tank on a bus is quite funny.
That's it I guess. I'm going to rest for a bit before I have to get up and deal with the world.
Life is just awful, but it has gotten better. I don't think that really matters since I'm not really cut out for life.
My main goal is to ctb in bed. I don't think there's much to stay for. My best friend is important to me, I wish I could be his girlfriend, but I'm bpd. He's also in another country and probably doesn't like me as much as I like him.
I've looked for SN and KN but haven't found a source pure enough that doesn't require permits. Regulations I suppose. I've done some research into extraction of SN from curing salt #1 with ethanol. It's kinda promising except for the part where I have to hide evaporating ethanol from my family. Chemical stability is a concern for me since if I abort an attempt, I'd like to be ready for the next.
A lot of the alternatives I could be interested in are also not viable. I think you can make Sodium Azide except it's explosive which turns faux compassion into a possible prison sentence. I also can't drive, but the thought of carrying a nitrogen tank on a bus is quite funny.
That's it I guess. I'm going to rest for a bit before I have to get up and deal with the world.
