They know of my suicidal tendencies, and I guess my grandma saw that I was browsing this forum. I just told them that I was taking it for my GERD, but now they are super suspicious and all I feel is this intense guilt, my Mom researched people take it for these reasons. I'm still awaiting my N, I live on the same property but in a different house. At this point I don't care, but I still feel extremely guilty. I just want to tell them the truth and have them be okay with it, but that's not going to happen. I am in so much pain I just want to go. I don't know how I'm going to wait any longer to get the N tested, I just want to take it as soon as I get it. I feel trapped in this sick game where everyone is trying to keep me alive, but they don't understand how each moment is torture for me. I'll be wiping my laptop before I CTB, I wanted to do it at home for comfort, but I don't want my parents to have to find me.
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