Venting Parents never loved me

[nixdeath]

I always felt lost and alone as a kid. I had no one to help me with things, no one to support me me or love me. I never got over it. Every so often i see something again like a kids tv show or a song and it makes me want to cry so bad knowing I never had that everyone else did. Not to mention I'm a trans woman so I didn't get to have a girl's childhood. Gave me weird issues like being afraid everyone hates me, and feeling like a little kid even now. I wish I had a mom to love me and I could grow up again and maybe get over it, but I don't think that'll ever happen. No woman would want a weird trans girl to be emotionally dependent on them, and even if they did I don't know how I would meet them. Idk why I'm writing this, I just wondered if anyone else felt like this.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I feel like this exactly. I wrote a note to my mom once that stated "Nobody loves me". She never kissed me, hugged once when I was a child and I felt shame. My father was more warm but absent because he's an alcoholic. I grew up emotionally undeveloped like a child. I am also a trans woman.
I am sorry can't say more because I am in a horrible state of mind.

 

[Intelligent_Panic99]

I'm not trans and I imagine not being able to experience childhood as your true self must have been so hard and give you a longing. I am gay though and never came out until adulthood so I know a little bit about going through young adulthood feeling confused, ashamed and alone. I am so sorry you both had to go through that.

As for me, I told my dad the other day (in my 30s now) that I don't think my mom loved me when I was little and he didn't argue the point. He just looked away. I guess it's nice to be validated. My dad loved me, but he didn't do much to protect me from her. They mostly just passively aggressively fought so the I grew up in a house with a lot of tension. I have an older brother who is and will always be the "golden child." My mother used to call him "Sunshine." I don't actually mind about that - the fact that I was always alone made me self-sufficient. Now, as a result of emotional neglect (I think) I hate - like hate - being touched but the only thing I really want in the world is for someone to hold me. It's so confusing.

 

[OceanBlue]

Yeah, even though I understand they are strangers and I couldn't care less about them now, having shitty parents unfortunately traumatises you for life, we're just too vulnerable and dependent as children. This unequal relationship is yet another reason why I don't support bringing children into this world.

 

[Rogue]

Same here, parents never loved me. I was having some financial difficulties and asked my mom if I could stay with her a little while, I got a flat out no. Needless to say, she WON'T be getting a Happy Mother's day from me. How can parents be that cold?

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Same here, parents never loved me. I was having some financial difficulties and asked my mom if I could stay with her a little while, I got a flat out no. Needless to say, she WON'T be getting a Happy Mother's day from me. How can parents be that cold?

They most likely have been traumatized themselves. Generational trauma.