Cheshirecatx
Curiouser and Curiouser
- May 10, 2019
- 115
Hello again,
I've missed this forum a lot, I have been quite unwell recently with mental illness; and unfortunately I guess things got the better off me.
I had a pretty impulsive attempt of ctb by overdose around a week ago, I didn't really think it through but had most of my items stripped from me only a week before (rope, harmful medication and blades etc), plus had most of my movements being monitored. Hence the impulsivity when it came to breaking point, that it was becoming increasingly harder to attempt. However, I did. I got quite ill this time round, threw up stomach acid and had it coming out of my nose and non stop vomiting. I stopped eating, and drinking, and quite literally slept all day for 5 days. I was taken to hospital by my partner and given treatment, I hardly remember anything from the past month.
On my last day at the hospital, my parents found out a lot about my life and I mean…a lot. I have no idea how and apparently the police are involved and investigating something in regards to me? I don't really know to be honest and I feel like I'm living around clones of my family not the real people. I'm paranoid they're watching me and tracking me and In all my devices. I don't trust anyone, at all, and now am completely detached. I drove an hour just to go by the beach to be off-grid as paranoia got so bad but I don't think anyone realised how bad it is. Am I wrong to be paranoid? I've stopped talking to everybody and plan to shut my phone off from Monday.
I've also written a ctb letter to explain a lot of how I feel especially since my overdose, and the reasons as to why I am continuing my attempt to pass.
I plan to hang with either a scarf in my room, or to use rope in an outdoor area (however believe my car is being tracked).
I really hope I'm just paranoid. Either way, this is probably going to be the end of me to some degree. Even if I get stopped from this, I have thought it all through, I'm intent on it this year.
I was just wondering if anyone has ever had anything similar happen to them after an attempt? They were asking lots of questions about my ex-partner and if I was out of hospital? UK based at the moment.
This isn't a goodbye or anything, just generally, feel the need to vent about this crazy situation in my life right now. Take care all <3
I've missed this forum a lot, I have been quite unwell recently with mental illness; and unfortunately I guess things got the better off me.
I had a pretty impulsive attempt of ctb by overdose around a week ago, I didn't really think it through but had most of my items stripped from me only a week before (rope, harmful medication and blades etc), plus had most of my movements being monitored. Hence the impulsivity when it came to breaking point, that it was becoming increasingly harder to attempt. However, I did. I got quite ill this time round, threw up stomach acid and had it coming out of my nose and non stop vomiting. I stopped eating, and drinking, and quite literally slept all day for 5 days. I was taken to hospital by my partner and given treatment, I hardly remember anything from the past month.
On my last day at the hospital, my parents found out a lot about my life and I mean…a lot. I have no idea how and apparently the police are involved and investigating something in regards to me? I don't really know to be honest and I feel like I'm living around clones of my family not the real people. I'm paranoid they're watching me and tracking me and In all my devices. I don't trust anyone, at all, and now am completely detached. I drove an hour just to go by the beach to be off-grid as paranoia got so bad but I don't think anyone realised how bad it is. Am I wrong to be paranoid? I've stopped talking to everybody and plan to shut my phone off from Monday.
I've also written a ctb letter to explain a lot of how I feel especially since my overdose, and the reasons as to why I am continuing my attempt to pass.
I plan to hang with either a scarf in my room, or to use rope in an outdoor area (however believe my car is being tracked).
I really hope I'm just paranoid. Either way, this is probably going to be the end of me to some degree. Even if I get stopped from this, I have thought it all through, I'm intent on it this year.
I was just wondering if anyone has ever had anything similar happen to them after an attempt? They were asking lots of questions about my ex-partner and if I was out of hospital? UK based at the moment.
This isn't a goodbye or anything, just generally, feel the need to vent about this crazy situation in my life right now. Take care all <3
