I'm paranoid about being discovered while checking the mail for SN. My mom doesen't work, and shes a very nosy individual that seems do discover everything. It makes me consider just jumping off a bridge instead, before my plans get revealed. I'm very afraid about being locked up in a psych ward. I was in a ward for 10 months last year (due to schizophrenia, not suicide attempts). This particular ward is designed for keeping people there a long time, 3 months plus. They keep people there for years. My depression is extremely severe. Let's say regular depression is like a little senility; I'm full blown alzheimers at this point, and it just keeps getting worse. This is not like a terminal illness either, where you at least end up dead. I could end up suffering immensely for a very long time if things go wrong. I've realized that I need to go fast. I'm ready to go today tbh, if I just had my SN.
People are fucking insane. They believe my depression can be cured by taking walks etc., when in reality I've essentially gotten alzheimer. I've tried explaining this to people that I interact with from the local ward and others, but there is no understanding. They will gladly lock me up for years and pretend that this is some meme depression that can be cured with pills and doing various activities. It feels like I'm in a permanent heroin withdrawal. I have a death sentence, I need to die.
People are fucking insane. They believe my depression can be cured by taking walks etc., when in reality I've essentially gotten alzheimer. I've tried explaining this to people that I interact with from the local ward and others, but there is no understanding. They will gladly lock me up for years and pretend that this is some meme depression that can be cured with pills and doing various activities. It feels like I'm in a permanent heroin withdrawal. I have a death sentence, I need to die.
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