judestfrancis
Life rearranges itself to compensate for your loss
- Dec 21, 2023
- 72
Maybe I'm just not built for this.
I can't trust anyone. My husband, my best friend, my own mind. I'm like a chicken with its head lopped off trying to get all the pieces back in place, trying to make this life work.
My husband suffered from sexomnia a few years back and I've never been able to get over it. I feel awful that I can't trust him anymore, but I cant help but flinch now when he tries to cuddle me when im going to sleep. I get so scared that I'll wake up to him touching me again, and I'll be powerless. I've been losing sleep, not just over that, but I've felt watched the past few nights. I dont end up going to sleep until the sun begins to rise. My head hurts. I'm on high alert and yet somehow I've been dissociated 80% of the time.
He works in the office tomorrow. It'd be easy to disappear. I'm scared of hurting my friends, but they already hear so much of my shit. I want to relapse. I just want to forget all of this so much. It wont go away.
I can't trust anyone. My husband, my best friend, my own mind. I'm like a chicken with its head lopped off trying to get all the pieces back in place, trying to make this life work.
My husband suffered from sexomnia a few years back and I've never been able to get over it. I feel awful that I can't trust him anymore, but I cant help but flinch now when he tries to cuddle me when im going to sleep. I get so scared that I'll wake up to him touching me again, and I'll be powerless. I've been losing sleep, not just over that, but I've felt watched the past few nights. I dont end up going to sleep until the sun begins to rise. My head hurts. I'm on high alert and yet somehow I've been dissociated 80% of the time.
He works in the office tomorrow. It'd be easy to disappear. I'm scared of hurting my friends, but they already hear so much of my shit. I want to relapse. I just want to forget all of this so much. It wont go away.
