Venting Panic attacks from being alive

[earthtomonday]

random vent, sorry it's my first time posting but long time lurker
Does anyone else get panic attacks from the thought of being alive? Like I feel like I've been bouncing back between feeling numb and on the verge of a panic attack because I have to be alive at the moment and don't have any quick short term ways to stop being alive at the moment. My head has been hurting the whole day and I feel almost removed from my body. I've been going through this depressive specific episode (a year) for a while but it feels like we're hitting a new peak and my mind feels like a cluster fuck right now.
Sometimes I think I wasn't meant to be alive. Because there's no way I was meant to exist in this mental state. This isn't normal. But all my attempts have failed. I am being tortured and idk why or how to fix it

 

[Apology]

Used to get them a lot when waking up.

Song is so relatable

 

[korchoi]

Your situation sounds similar to mine. However, I don't believe that the mere fact of being alive triggers a panic attack. When a panic attack occurs, the brain tries to analyze the cause, and it seems like you are interpreting the fact that you are alive as the reason for the attack. In reality, panic attacks happen without a specific reason. I understand what you're going through, as I am also struggling greatly with panic disorder. Life feels like torture.

 

[0utsider.]

I hate living, everything about it. I've gotten able to control my panic attacks to some extent but obviously I cant just make them stop. If only there was a quick and easy way to ctb.

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

I'm have panic attacks every morning when I realize I didn't die.