Overcoming SI is tough + thank you SS

[deadwithoutmusic]

I've had my SN for about two weeks now. When I got it I was having a good week and feeling okay so it kinda just sat on my desk for me to look at every day. After a week I felt like it was time and fasted for the day, took meto+paracetemol abd antacids, waited 45 minutes, made the SN drink and then sat in bed with the drink on my bedside table while sitting on my phone while trying to listen to music. The music was almost painful to listen to so I turned it off and had a breakdown. I don't even know how to describe it but my mental was just all over the place, I was almost in pain from my brain being in so much distress and I was in tears and I just couldn't take the drink. I felt super drowsy from the meto and paracetemol, was starving, ate some food then just passed out.

I think the whole process of having to fast, then take meto and whatever else and having a timer after taking that just stresses me out and gives my brain and SI so much time to think. I've been fasting every other day recently just hoping that when I've fasted for long enough I'm in the best mood possible to try again. I was very close again today and I think I'm slowly mentally preparing myself but I will see how it goes.

I'm not sure if I will make a goodbye thread and I haven't posted here much and not at all recently but I would like to say goodbye to you guys. There's a lot of really supportive people here and I really enjoyed my time here. I appreciated having a place to vent when I don't have anyone in my life I can talk to about this kind of stuff and to listen to other peoples stories to gain an understanding of how other people in the world are feeling and what they are dealing with. As well as interesting discussions about anything suicide. Keep supporting others by listening to their stories and sending them kind words. I'm sure lots of people here might be lost causes but I'm sure you guys have saved lives as well as made it easier for people to ctb. Thank you SS.

 

[Frew]

I think the whole process of having to fast, then take meto and whatever else and having a timer after taking that just stresses me out and gives my brain and SI so much time to think. I've been fasting every other day recently just hoping that when I've fasted for long enough I'm in the best mood possible to try again. I was very close again today and I think I'm slowly mentally preparing myself but I will see how it goes.

Wow I can relate so much. I'm going through the exact same thing. I hope you can make peace with your decision, whatever you choose.

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

So are you ctbing today?

 

[hoping to lose hope]

Good luck OP and if there is a next life may it be a pleasant one

 

[sadworld]

I was feeling the same a few weeks ago when I tried to ctb with SN. It really was such a bad feeling, it's hard to describe. Sending hugs

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

So are you ctbing today?

I don't think so, it's late and I decided to finally eat. I will probably try again tomorrow.

 

[Thin Chew]

I was feeling the same a few weeks ago when I tried to ctb with SN. It really was such a bad feeling, it's hard to describe. Sending hugs

Hi, may I know how to sn? I've checked post but till now I still don't understand. Do you just mix sn and drink? That's it? Or am I missing something else

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

I don't think so, it's late and I decided to finally eat. I will probably try again tomorrow.

What time is it for you?

 

[sadworld]

Hi, may I know how to sn? I've checked post but till now I still don't understand. Do you just mix sn and drink? That's it? Or am I missing something else

Yeah, 20-25g sn in 50ml water. Check out Stan's guide, everything about SN is written on there:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[Thin Chew]

Yeah, 20-25g sn in 50ml water. Check out Stan's guide, everything about SN is written on there:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

Yup I've reader it, before doing and buying it. Just wanna make sure is that do you vomited it out instantly after you drink it? Because ive tried before drinking those cleaner that use to wash toilet and once I swallowed a small dosage, I automatically vomited instantly. I'm concern if I will have the same incident again if I use SN

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

What time is it for you?

almost 12pm in aus

 

[sadworld]

Yup I've reader it, before doing and buying it. Just wanna make sure is that do you vomited it out instantly after you drink it? Because ive tried before drinking those cleaner that use to wash toilet and once I swallowed a small dosage, I automatically vomited instantly. I'm concern if I will have the same incident again if I use SN

You should be able to keep it down for long enough. That's why we are using an antiemetic aswell, so that enough SN gets absorbed faster. If you vomit and you think not enough SN is already absorbed, you can drink a second dose.

 

[Thin Chew]

You should be able to keep it down for long enough. That's why we are using an antiemetic aswell, so that enough SN gets absorbed faster. If you vomit and you think not enough SN is already absorbed, you can drink a second dose.

Thanks, because in my country. Beside pain killer. All other medicine is hard for me to get. So I think im gonna rely on painkiller only.

 

[AMG44]

I can relate to this as well. This site has helped me a lot