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vinicuit

vinicuit

vini
Mar 1, 2026
38
august 29th

today is exactly one year since i achived a dream: started testosterone. i was happy at that day, even though i had to work at mcdonalds the rest of my day, i was happy

but after sometime i forgot to feel happy, it became normal. ordinary. today, completing one year, i'm not really sure if i should celebrate. somethings losts meaning, and celebrating is one of those things that go away. it's not that it's not importaant, but it's not special anymore, and today, i wish i could celebrate as if it's special

it's as if i couldn't feel nothing, as if i don't have feelings or emotions. everyone else seems to be so happy and excited with life, but i can't feel it... it all started to lose it's sense, as if life lost it's meaning. in this important day, i'm not capable of feeling anything. and after trying to plan any celebration, i realised it doesn't make sense

i wish i could cry, but i can't

i don't feel human, i don't feel like an actual person. it all makes me believe i don't belong to this place
 
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Fish

Fish

...still here
Apr 19, 2018
64
Most men don't celebrate or feel special the day they started puberty. In essence, you have become a normal men. Just living life, with the correct hormone in your vein you don't think about.
 
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ZwartHartje

ZwartHartje

Experienced
May 5, 2026
253
When I started taking testosterone I was happy for a while. I had hated my body so much, had been working out but feeling I wasn't getting any results at all as I was no match for the males at the gym. And then with the testosterone finally my body started changing drastically, and my workouts started showing results.
I later realized that I didn't really want to go the trans route and to become a man. I had only ever wanted to be strong and no longer fat and to have a functional body.
I still take testosterone but in much lower dosage than in those early days.
How has this been for you? No joy in seeing the changes? They take a while to manifest, and one year isn't that long.
 
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3FailedAttemptss

3FailedAttemptss

trans girl (`・ω・´)
Jan 22, 2025
372
i've been in that exact spot where the milestones lose their spark qwq it sortaw just becomes a regular ass day which is fucked up cause hrt is something you really gotta fight for TwT
 
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Fish

Fish

...still here
Apr 19, 2018
64
When I started taking testosterone I was happy for a while. I had hated my body so much, had been working out but feeling I wasn't getting any results at all as I was no match for the males at the gym. And then with the testosterone finally my body started changing drastically, and my workouts started showing results.
I later realized that I didn't really want to go the trans route and to become a man. I had only ever wanted to be strong and no longer fat and to have a functional body.
I still take testosterone but in much lower dosage than in those early days.
How has this been for you? No joy in seeing the changes? They take a while to manifest, and one year isn't that long.
If you don't want to become a man but like to be strong like man you can try Anavar. It gives you muscle but less virilization. Ask the strong looking ladys in your gym. High chance they know where to source
 
Last edited:
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ZwartHartje

ZwartHartje

Experienced
May 5, 2026
253
If you don't want to become a man but like to be strong like man you can try Anavar. It gives you muscle but less virilization. Ask the strong looking ladys in your gym. High chance they know where to source
Thank you so much for the tip, but I don't think it's feasible for me. I have zero contacts and I don't speak the local language here, and I'm not a member at a gym anymore. I used to be until Covid came and my gym got closed, forcing me to work out outdoors - and I found that I liked it much better, so I terminated my membership and have been working out outdoors ever since.
Side effects are a pain in the @$$, especially wasting hours plucking facial hair daily. But it's been this way for a long time and I'm at the end of my life now.
Thank you anyway! 🖤
 
vinicuit

vinicuit

vini
Mar 1, 2026
38
When I started taking testosterone I was happy for a while. I had hated my body so much, had been working out but feeling I wasn't getting any results at all as I was no match for the males at the gym. And then with the testosterone finally my body started changing drastically, and my workouts started showing results.
I later realized that I didn't really want to go the trans route and to become a man. I had only ever wanted to be strong and no longer fat and to have a functional body.
I still take testosterone but in much lower dosage than in those early days.
How has this been for you? No joy in seeing the changes? They take a while to manifest, and one year isn't that long.
i feel pretty much satisfied with the changes by now, even though im one year is not much time, voice dropping and hair growth has made me feel better. i'm don't regret anything about it and i want to keep going with hrt, it's just weird cause i can't be happy

idk if my depression has made me so apathetic that i can't feel nothing, but people around me are more excited about it than i am
 
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nayomi

nayomi

only the truth will save us all
Jul 19, 2026
223
what got you depressed is not what get you out of it . happiness if found on the inside and not on external situation
 

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