Once suicidal, always suicidal?

[Bandzbandz]

I have found that even after things (temporarily) got better, I still wanted to die because I just saw no point even in living for the good times.

 

[Roger]

Once seriously suicidal, "always" is only a concept if you keep failing.

 

[Sailfisher]

I got over it for a few years. Never crossed my mind in those years.

 

[Letmego. Please]

Yes & no, i only get actively suicidal when life gets turned upside down (again) yes the depression can still be there when life is going well, but it is manageable & happy times have been had.

Has it always been an option in the back of my brain for when things get too much since i first can upon the idea at 13. Yes.

 

[Soul]

It's always been present as an option, whether I'm depressed or not. I'm not currently depressed, just terminally ill. Which is okay too, except when films and tv shows feature characters with my illness as comical. But I digress.

 

[Empty Smile]

Since I've had my first thoughts and attempt at suicide, it's always been there.

I have good days and I have bad days, and the bad days outweigh the good days. Even on my good days, I still think of suicide. It's become second nature for me.

 

[not_a_robot]

I have found that even after things (temporarily) got better, I still wanted to die because I just saw no point even in living for the good times.

Same. Things have bern relatively better for the past year but here I am.
Good times only delay/soften the urge temporarily. Even if my life stays tolerable I will still want to do it when the pain and frailty of old age set in.
Holding out as long as I can, but it's like a chore I know I have to do eventually.

 

[SinisterKid]

I did drugs many moons ago to the point of addiction. I drank in my youth to the point where life was not liveable without a drink. I smoked because I needed my nicotine fix. I still think about them all at various times, I still miss them all. So is suicide really any different?

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

Yeah, since it started in my late teens, it has always been at the back of my mind, even though there were periods when I felt better and didn't have an urge to end my life.

But I do think suicidal ideation is much more common than we know.

 

[wanttodie]

I fell the same I still want to die because I just see no point even in living

 

[Munder]

The feelings are still there the older I get. Life is full of beauty, but only for those who can appreciate it

 

[deathenvoy]

I think once you cross the line of really wanting to die and you executed your attempt with true wish of death there is no turning back. I felt dead after my suicide attempt and metaphorically speaking I was probably right.

 

[Severen]

It's when you reach that point in life when you realize, that life is not worth it unless you are rich or wealthy while being mentally and physically healthy. All it takes is performing a simple cost benefit analysis in your brain and knowing enough about the world you live in.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I find it's sort of cyclical for me. Like I'll have a good phase and then a bad one again. I can even go several years and be sort of okay, but the negative feelings always swing back around sooner or later. This on/off flirtation with death has gone on all my life really. Well, for the past 20 years at least.

 

[Rose]

It's different for everyone.
In my case, the process of becoming suicidal started at a very young age.
It was an eye-opener, I was forced to see & accept parts of the world and the universe as they are. Everything definitely cost me my childhood, though.

Even when I'm "happy", I can't force myself to forget the conclusions I've come to, and the things I've seen. Always lingers in the back of my mind.
Not that I want to forget these things, though. Even if it crushes me I prefer that to forced ignorance.

 

[ExitTheDay]

To me it doesn't matter if you're the happiest person in the world because the environment around us it just too sickening to enjoy in the first place, so what's the point of wanting to live in this bullshit?

 

[charlottewilts]

it feels to me that once you get the idea of suicide as a plan B in your head, it never really goes away, it's always there in the back of your mind. been suicidal since 16 and have had some periods of stability but even then it was always a lingering thought

 

[Sanguinius]

it is always an option and most of the time the thing I thinnk the most about, yes. but it sometimes is worser than other times.

sometimes it's just like... I think about in in a very theoretical and philospohical way, for example, I wonder what happens after, or I wonder if some funny methods really would work, or I try to invite new "methods" or I spend hours on instagram laughing about suicide memes.
sometimes, I elabourate detailled plans about ctb'ing inclusive date.

 

[throwaway123]

Yes.

 

[not_a_robot]

I fell the same I still want to die because I just see no point even in living

Same but I am really torn over weed finally being legal though. It has always been literally the only thing that lifts the depression, and obtaining it from illegal sources while having extreme social anxiety made my life hell (you have to know people if it's illegal).
Now that its legal and FINALLY within my power to lift the depression without all the social-hassle, SI is clawing me back hard.
"Isn't there some way to keep yourself alive to smoke some more and feel a little better?"
But other forces are aligning to make me go ahead and ctb, July and August are gonna be hell.

 

[BasqueClown]

I just want to ask the same question and found it in the thread suggestions, because I feel that way
In my teen years I consider suicide, specially in the first months of mourning after my mom's death, but nothing serious
But after my 2021 mental breakdown and suicide attempt things got worse
Even I feel depressed or not, or have a good day, I think about dying almost every day
And even I talk to myself about dates, close every social media account and go to the forest and die here
I'm having difficulties to hold up a reason to live since I think my brain isn't the same, I don't know if my hanging attempt damaged something
So who knows
But whatever I decide, I don't regret or feel guilty if I took my own life

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like if someone has seriously considered suicide as an option then it can be difficult to let go of these thoughts. Even if things got better for someone they could easily get worse again and then it is likely that they would go back to thinking about suicide. I think that in my case I will always be suicidal no matter what. I personally do not see life as being worth living and there is nothing that could ever make me want to stay here. Being suicidal is who I am and wanting to die is all I know.