on having never been seen

[okkkk]

my family has had a profound negative effect on my life and mental state. fuck trying to intelectualize it. at this point in my life i have 0. and i realize that in most points in my life i had 0. as in no one real who had any intrest in really knowing me. and that isolation is devastating. in all honesty i still cling to the idea that if i can be my true self now since i no longer have to deny myself to live, that maybe I will find some connection that isnt conditional. I just cant take the lonliness and how long its been and how inconsiquential it all feels.

 

[Ender]

i still cling to the idea that if i can be my true self now since i no longer have to deny myself to live

That, that is something of great truth. I would love to be my true self, I know what I want to be to be my true self. To me I realize that I just can't be myself in this place. I too am lonely, I have isolated myself, I covered my windows and never go out unless it's dire. I'm sorry if what I said is just a bunch f confusion, but I really understand what you are saying.

 

[woknows]

Why do you think no one wants to get to know you? Have you tried? You need to be open to the possibility. Maybe the insecurity makes you pass up opportunities.

 

[NodusTollens]

my family has had a profound negative effect on my life and mental state. fuck trying to intelectualize it. at this point in my life i have 0. and i realize that in most points in my life i had 0. as in no one real who had any intrest in really knowing me. and that isolation is devastating. in all honesty i still cling to the idea that if i can be my true self now since i no longer have to deny myself to live, that maybe I will find some connection that isnt conditional. I just cant take the lonliness and how long its been and how inconsiquential it all feels.

I can't imagine what you much be going through, though I understand the feeling of family having a negative effect on you. I hope you're able to lean into that desire & be your true self because you deserve positivity in your life.

I actually fear being my true self mostly because of family, but also out of fear of how the closest in my life will react.

Oh & I enjoy your name, it's clever.