On having a body, being hollow, and hiding

[wordsonscreen]

I feel hollow.
I want to be seen but I am in too much pain to be around anyone.
I still talk to a few people and they speak to me about curtains and recent laws and video games- but it just goes through me.
I dont feel solid.
I'm barely present. I am not interested in talking because people talk AT me. Not to me.
If someone wanted to talk TO me, they would see the pain I am in. They would feel it and be with me while I cry.
They would silently be there with me because they would see that every word hurts. I'm too far from who I used to be.

I've reached out to a few people on here because I dont exactly want to die without being known. I miss being seen.
It is so easy for people to see me when I am happy and loving and kind and generous. People come to me to feel better and they do.
But now that I am in the darkness, now that I cannot tell where I end and where the misery begins- I feel invisible.

I know people want to help.
We dont know how to help. We are not taught connection. Our society is sick.
People do what will help THEM, not me.
How can I expect a sane response from people born and raised in a sick environment?
How can I expect people to be with me with my pain. Grounded fully. To be my anchor while I MAYBE, just MAYBE, find my way out.
Apparently it is far too much to ask for. Apparently people really want to talk about their new curtains and their new gloves.
But that is what I need. That is what many of us need. To be seen fully. To not be FORCED to hide our pain because others cannot bear it.
In real life, we hide our wounds- we cant show them. Its rare to find spaces where we can bring our wounds.
We have this small corner of the internet where we come to strangers to share our pain.

I am disgusted. It makes me sick.
I also love life. I am deeply empathic. I know I am capable of a lot.
I just refuse to be a cog in this sick system. I am so tired.
I am so grateful for this forum.
I get to write shit like this and maybe be understood by one human- maybe.
It is fucking insane that being understood and seen is not the NORM. Despite the fact that 8 billion of us are more connected than ever before.

I feel like a ghost. Many of you do too. Your words resonate with me. They make me feel more solid.

 

[WornOutLife]

I feel like a ghost.

I hope you can feel a "normal human" again!
I've been a ghost the whole last year. Even a NEET! It sucked and I ended up becoming more suicidal.

We're always struggling but at least here, we can support each other and try to get better.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[booray]

I feel hollow.
I want to be seen but I am in too much pain to be around anyone.
I still talk to a few people and they speak to me about curtains and recent laws and video games- but it just goes through me.
I dont feel solid.
I'm barely present. I am not interested in talking because people talk AT me. Not to me.
If someone wanted to talk TO me, they would see the pain I am in. They would feel it and be with me while I cry.
They would silently be there with me because they would see that every word hurts. I'm too far from who I used to be.

I've reached out to a few people on here because I dont exactly want to die without being known. I miss being seen.
It is so easy for people to see me when I am happy and loving and kind and generous. People come to me to feel better and they do.
But now that I am in the darkness, now that I cannot tell where I end and where the misery begins- I feel invisible.

I know people want to help.
We dont know how to help. We are not taught connection. Our society is sick.
People do what will help THEM, not me.
How can I expect a sane response from people born and raised in a sick environment?
How can I expect people to be with me with my pain. Grounded fully. To be my anchor while I MAYBE, just MAYBE, find my way out.
Apparently it is far too much to ask for. Apparently people really want to talk about their new curtains and their new gloves.
But that is what I need. That is what many of us need. To be seen fully. To not be FORCED to hide our pain because others cannot bear it.
In real life, we hide our wounds- we cant show them. Its rare to find spaces where we can bring our wounds.
We have this small corner of the internet where we come to strangers to share our pain.

I am disgusted. It makes me sick.
I also love life. I am deeply empathic. I know I am capable of a lot.
I just refuse to be a cog in this sick system. I am so tired.
I am so grateful for this forum.
I get to write shit like this and maybe be understood by one human- maybe.
It is fucking insane that being understood and seen is not the NORM. Despite the fact that 8 billion of us are more connected than ever before.

I feel like a ghost. Many of you do too. Your words resonate with me. They make me feel more solid.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. I'm in a very dark place myself and feel that I have nobody to talk to, even though I have people in my life. I wish there was something that I could say to make you feel better. I know that there is nothing anybody could tell me because the only thing I want is to ctb. Just know that we are all here for each other, if only to listen.

 

[wordsonscreen]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. I'm in a very dark place myself and feel that I have nobody to talk to, even though I have people in my life. I wish there was something that I could say to make you feel better. I know that there is nothing anybody could tell me because the only thing I want is to ctb. Just know that we are all here for each other, if only to listen.

Listening helps. And yeah I agree with you. Leaving is all I want also despite having people in my life technically. Its not enough.
I'm sorry you're hurting too. It helps me to know it will end. Am here for you.

 

[NodusTollens]

I see you.

But now that I am in the darkness, now that I cannot tell where I end and where the misery begins- I feel invisible.

I felt this. HUGS. I hope that things change & you're finally able to feel seen- you deserve it. You deserve to be the raw, unapologetic version of yourself that you want to be. Without question.

I know people want to help.
We dont know how to help. We are not taught connection. Our society is sick.

I totally agree. How can we begin to fix this if the very foundation of society is flawed? It has us all running in our own private hamster wheels.

 

[wordsonscreen]

I see you.



I felt this. HUGS. I hope that things change & you're finally able to feel seen- you deserve it. You deserve to be the raw, unapologetic version of yourself that you want to be. Without question.



I totally agree. How can we begin to fix this if the very foundation of society is flawed? It has us all running in our own private hamster wheels.

Thank you :')
We all deserve to be the raw, unapologetic version of ourselves.
Haha hamster wheels omg yes. EXACTLY. It feels naive to me to ask for a better response. The problems are too clear now.