on edge

[hybridtheory]

I always wondered how people could ctb without anyone knowing that they were thinking of doing it. I just never understood how someone could keep it a secret because I'm kinda obvious when I'm suicidal, but lately I've realized that it's becoming easier at having no one know how I'm feeling. Pretending to be okay is something I'm good at now, I could ctb at this moment and everyone would honestly be shocked because they all think I finally have my life together. I'm not sure what the point of this thread is, I'm just feeling very alone and on the edge of suicide. I don't want anyone in real life to know how I'm feeling. I was thinking about checking myself into a hospital but I don't know if that's a good idea.

Anyone feel like talking, or just some kind words would be helpful. I don't feel okay.

 

[Darkover]

i feel the urge to tell my family members about my plans to end my life just so i can express my self but i know if i do that they only get the authorities involved so i keep my month shut.

 

[odradek]

I always wondered how people could ctb without anyone knowing that they were thinking of doing it. I just never understood how someone could keep it a secret because I'm kinda obvious when I'm suicidal, but lately I've realized that it's becoming easier at having no one know how I'm feeling. Pretending to be okay is something I'm good at now, I could ctb at this moment and everyone would honestly be shocked because they all think I finally have my life together. I'm not sure what the point of this thread is, I'm just feeling very alone and on the edge of suicide. I don't want anyone in real life to know how I'm feeling. I was thinking about checking myself into a hospital but I don't know if that's a good idea.

Anyone feel like talking, or just some kind words would be helpful. I don't feel okay.

I relate a lot to the sentiments you've expressed here. I'm currently in a place in life where it would be quite shocking to those around me if I were to suddenly ctb. Yet I think about it constantly, I am definitely not okay either. I hide it very well, there was a time where I suspect my suicidal ideation was more obvious, but now I've learned to hide it quite well.

I have no intentions of getting better and am currently working towards situating myself in position where I can ctb with the least possible collateral damage. Maybe going to a hospital would be a good idea for you. It might be helpful to consider why you thought about doing that in the first place and also why you don't think it's a good idea. I don't know tbh, kinda shit advice but being in this position in life is impossible and maddening. Introspection can be helpful at times I've found however.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

i feel the urge to tell my family members about my plans to end my life just so i can express my self but i know if i do that they only get the authorities involved so i keep my month shut.

Don't do this. No family will "understand" instead they will try to "help" by locking you up against your will and medicating you with powerful psychotropics.

No good comes from sharing your suicidal ideation in real life. That is why we are all gathered here. This is the only safe space on the internet. That's right. Even the internet, which is filled with all kinds of shady shit, barely tolerates frank and honest discussion about suicide.

 

[UnEssential]

I always wondered how people could ctb without anyone knowing that they were thinking of doing it. I just never understood how someone could keep it a secret because I'm kinda obvious when I'm suicidal, but lately I've realized that it's becoming easier at having no one know how I'm feeling. Pretending to be okay is something I'm good at now, I could ctb at this moment and everyone would honestly be shocked because they all think I finally have my life together. I'm not sure what the point of this thread is, I'm just feeling very alone and on the edge of suicide. I don't want anyone in real life to know how I'm feeling. I was thinking about checking myself into a hospital but I don't know if that's a good idea.

Anyone feel like talking, or just some kind words would be helpful. I don't feel okay.

You aren't alone.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nobody knows I am suicidal in real life and they never will. I have been suicidal for many years so I am used to hiding it. I am not around people that much in the first place, most of my time is spent alone anyway. If people knew they would try to get in the way of my plans. They would never accept and understand my decision, they would selfishly expect me to suffer for decades. I wish you the best, if you decide to exit this life then I hope you find peace.