Ok but WHEN does it get better?

[Luvwww.com]

A question no one seems to be able to answer for me. I have the concept of things changing, obviously things are constantly changing and I feel different day by day. But my general satisfaction with my life has stayed the same. In fact as the years go by, things have only gotten worse for me. I only get more miserable, fuck up more, make my life worse, uncover (and experience) more horrible traumas. So it's been 23 years. I'm tired of waiting. When is this magical "it gets better" fairy supposed to come for me? Because as I see it, I'm doing everything I can to make shit better for me, and still I decline.

Like do people really expect me to live another 20, 30 years with the mere hope that it gets better? Do they really expect me to live ONE year? I mean clearly they do, but I feel like if they were in my position, they'd shut up real quick about holding out.

If it does get better, ok. Give me a timeline. Tell me when I can say enough is enough. Tell me when I can finally let go. Because I'm not willing to wait much longer.

If it really and truly does get better like they say, these should be easy questions. But they're not, because it's not about getting better. It's about forcing us to stay even when we're completely miserable and dejected. Forcing us to be a cog in their machine. There is no "getting better" for a person like me.

It's actually supposed to get better?? I thought that it was just something people say

 

[woofwag]

It never gets better, you just going to have to look for the methods to escape this asap. That's what I learned here because you can see this from your childhood. If you didn't have a good childhood and it's full of struggle, it will only get worse as you get older because you're hanging on for hope.

True. I think some people are able to find a way to be "normal" after shitty childhoods, but I don't think it's the majority. People just love to promote stories of others getting better because it makes them feel more confident in themselves and their abilities. As if our traumas are nothing more than inspiration porn for them. It's insulting and objectifying. But if we can't meet those standards, if we can't "get better," I guess we just don't exist to them in their perfect little world of sunshine and rainbows.

I'm not gonna lie, I grew up with people where not only did it not "get better" it got worse. So my outlook is pretty bleak. I don't think it gets better, i think people just dissociate from reality and don't think about how horrible everything is by focusing on their jobs, kids, marriage, drinking, gambling, etc until they die.

Yeah, admittedly after getting this new job I find it is a lot easier to pretend I'm fine. Because idk I get money and I work and all of that fuels my dissociation further. Reality is that any free moment I get to have a thought, it will always be, "I want to die." And ofc this happens all the time while working and "having fun" going out too. It's just a bit more muted, which honestly means nothing in the scope of my misery.

i keep asking myself the same thing, i dont know when it will, people keep telling me it will but idk how long i can keep waiting. i keep trying, but at some point it just gets too exhausting

And I would never blame you, or anyone, for giving up on that hope. It sucks and a lot of times it never gets better. It should always be up to personal choice about how much we can take.

I think when people say "it gets better" they manipulate reality. There's a point if you can grasp a stable environment that more suffering you will experience will be over the mundane things rather than direct extreme offenses. I believe there's some issue in the sentiment because the "better" consists of suffering nonetheless. By moving away from those who harm you, building some form of an independent life, there will be no more external suffering acting on you and it is assumed then you can at least have room to work inwards or be less constantly faced by unexpected pains. There's a disconnect and idealism when people say this, and while there are many cases of new changes or the ability to settle down with "the right medication" or therapy and inner working, finding a stable relationship or community, gaining independence, it's incredibly difficult and rare to reach these possibilities of change and a non certain chance this will work. I believe it's more that your mindset and perspective "gets better" in that these things able to provide hope and a context mundane enough you can tolerate existence you will do what the rest of the world does in looking into the future for comfort.

I mean tbh, if saying "it gets better" manipulates someone's reality, that's pretty fuckin awesome. Manipulating reality sounds sick asf. You seem to be saying that a future outlook changing your perspective to be positive around a mundane life is a disconnect from reality, but is that really the case? Are the people who feel like they are "better" just by finding comfort in a future better than the one they're living deluded? Idk, I think if a "better" still consists of suffering, and it's a type of suffering that person is willing to accept, then that's worth it. I'm plenty disconnected from reality some might argue, but idk, it's my reality. If it works for those people to have hope in a future with slim chances of actually happening, good for them. But that's not something I can find comfort in personally. Sorry if I misunderstood any of what you were saying btw, I was having a bit of trouble following lol.

It's actually supposed to get better?? I thought that it was just something people say

It is, according to all the people who've told me this... to the point that they get very defensive when I argue otherwise. It's a sentiment they believe applies universally as long as you're "trying," which is a misconception. Not everyone makes it in this life.

 

[lovelulu]

A question no one seems to be able to answer for me. I have the concept of things changing, obviously things are constantly changing and I feel different day by day. But my general satisfaction with my life has stayed the same. In fact as the years go by, things have only gotten worse for me. I only get more miserable, fuck up more, make my life worse, uncover (and experience) more horrible traumas. So it's been 23 years. I'm tired of waiting. When is this magical "it gets better" fairy supposed to come for me? Because as I see it, I'm doing everything I can to make shit better for me, and still I decline.

Like do people really expect me to live another 20, 30 years with the mere hope that it gets better? Do they really expect me to live ONE year? I mean clearly they do, but I feel like if they were in my position, they'd shut up real quick about holding out.

If it does get better, ok. Give me a timeline. Tell me when I can say enough is enough. Tell me when I can finally let go. Because I'm not willing to wait much longer.

If it really and truly does get better like they say, these should be easy questions. But they're not, because it's not about getting better. It's about forcing us to stay even when we're completely miserable and dejected. Forcing us to be a cog in their machine. There is no "getting better" for a person like me.

it doesn't

 

[singingcrow]

lol yess! that's what it's exactly like

maybe they know it will get better for them but it doesn't for people like me. i don't want a life that's mainly suffering and has a few happy moments. not worth it for me