Venting Numbness

[ImpairedLowlife]

My life has become so much better. Education is fixed, there are people around me who love me, relationships with the family became much better. But this all doesn't help me anymore. If not suicidal, I feel numb and extremely sad because of this. And this constantly gets me back to a somewhat suicidal state.

I don't ever get to feel anything good, exciting. Еhough I still can feel anxiety, despair, sadness.

Even the "great" days I don't feel almost anything. Now I have to constantly wear a "mental mask" to hide this and talk to people like a normal person.

I feel so hopeless. 2017 was so emotional for me, I felt alive again, I was truly happy.

I feel like at the end of 2019 I just burnt out, too much shit was happening and I couldn't cope with this.

I'm probably gonna start SH again, because it used to help me before. As life became better I abandoned this habit, but now it's probably time to start it again.

I don't know how much longer can I hold like this.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Hi friend.

Even though life is moving forward, you can't feel happiness. This numbness is a symptom of depression. Are you in contact with a psychiatrist? Maybe something can help you. Some of us had bad experiences with psychiatry in the past, but give it a shot.
I know it's frustrating having to wear a mask around people, but if you feel comfortable speaking with any of them, they might help. At least it's one person that you won't have to hide your true feelings.

While we're still alive, it worth trying to recover. Maybe there's a chance.

I'm sorry for what you re going through. I wish you the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing can be painful. I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much, it can be exhausting, this life. I wish you well.