Nothing really changes

[apearl]

I've had so many good new things happen to me over the past year, I made some distant friends, an online friend, and I am getting good grades in university. I am better at socializing then before by A LOT. I'm eating healthier. But I can't shake it.

I want to just be dead already, it's all I want. It's all I ever wanted.

At least when I was self destructing the suicidality felt like a symptom, not the cause. I'm worried there's no curing this.

 

[darksoul999]

i feel exactly they same. Weirdly enough, during times when i am having some "balance" I miss the depths of my depression.

Its a weird love/hate relationship.

My life right now from the outside seems to be going great but deep down i truly want to die.

Maybe its because i know the highs do not last, eventually the lows will come back.

this constant emotional loop.

Its so tiring.

I feel like the day i actually CTB, that will be the day i have won.