Nothing makes me want to do it more when...

[silverspring]

...I speak to my therapist, crying my eyes out, hyperventilating and saying the ugly, impulsive words that I keep so "selfishly" to myself- I want to kill myself- and all she can do is say "mmmm" or "hmmm." I'm never asking for more, never seeking attention for this, never even saying "please, send me to the hospital, my hand is on the metaphorical trigger, this is the end" - just some fucking words. Just something. An "I understand, I get it." Of course I don't want her to tell me to go ahead and end it. But "mmm" - you just over there enjoying something delicious? I know I sound ridiculous, but here I am right now on the phone with her for my appointment and just realizing how badly I don't want to be a part of a world where I feel like I can't even get better and I'm not reassured that this doesn't have to be the end. I'm trying so hard here.

Apparently it does have to be the end.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I know it can be unbearable living a life you do not want to live. I can imagine it must be frustrating dealing with someone like that. I wish you the best in whatever happens.