Venting Nothing feels quite real anymore - vent thread

[unrulydeerly]

I'm so exhausted. No matter what I do. I take meds to sleep, tired. I get 5, 8, 15 hours of sleep, still tired. My dreams are haunting me now. It's hard to tell what's a true memory and what isn't. Between this and constant mild to extreme dissociation I can barely tell who I am. I can't remember what I need to do and I forget where I'm going all the time. Every day feels so long and short at the same time. If I do anything I'm wasting my energy if I do nothing I wasted the day. I wish my brain and body could make up its mind.
After a particularly traumatizing event recently it's been somewhat replaced with a constant extreme fear. Plus relapsing into slowly worsening self harm.
I don't want to die but I don't know how else I can go forward in life. I maybe have a year or two before I run out of money and energy.
I want to fulfill my dreams and goals, take care of pets, keep friends safe, but I can barely function. I miss work so often and I do have a medical leave but I know I'm testing the line.

I need someone to hold and tell me it's all okay even if it might not be but for a few moments I'll believe it.
I want to cry for help but I fear I've already cried too much.

 

[Ben 111]

Ur not alone

 

[Secro]

It's okay

 

[DignifiedGrave]

I feel you. I disassociate everyday and also always feel tired. Its hard living life like this and it drives me insane when I'm at work. You're not alone friend.