Venting not sure when the time is right

[whitegardenia]

been thinking about ctb for the longest time, but something or someone always comes up and I get talked out of it or put it off for when the time is "right" but im starting to think there is none. two of my friends already ctb'd, i just want to join them in peace already

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate to this, I have wanted to ctb for ages, but things have gotten in the way, and I have put it off a few times. The thought of not existing really comforts me.

 

[whitegardenia]

i feel the same, existing is the most exhausting thing i've ever done and it's felt this way my entire life. Almost wish a natural death came already so I didn't have to do it myself

 

[TheYounger]

Same here. I've also been wondering when the time will be right for me. But like you said, i think it's just gonna have to be sooner rather than later for me. I think the problem i have is committing to doing it. I've had several attempts in the past but didn't go 100% through with it. I kninda wonder if making a goodbye thread will help me commit to ctb.

 

[whitegardenia]

What makes you change your mind about it?

 

[TheYounger]

What makes you change your mind about it?

That's a good question. I really don't know at this point. I just think of so many consequences of me killing myself. My parents missing me. My Mom crying. But to be honest the pros of dying far outweigh the pros of living at this point. So many reasons to say goodbye and only a few to stay. The constant depressing dreams, the loneliness, the lack of motivation to even get out of bed, having to fucking avoid people at all cost because I just feel so out of place.