I always thought "you should let someone die". I still think the same but, it's like if I actually had a bit of doubt before now. Because now I feel even more certain that you *really* should. And not doing so is the worst. For everyone.
Some of us will have a meltdown no matter what. Will be unhappy no matter what. No matter how much other people try to help us or think solutions, there's no changing a person which wasn't meant for this life in the first place. I know, I tried my best. I know how hard I tried to find at least a shine of hope. To try to see the good in life. To try to be happy. I know everything I've tried, and anyone who says "if you work on yourself, eventually things will be ok" simply don't have the slightest idea what they're talking about. They're just following recipes, hopeless to find words that can help. In worst cases, they direct the blame at you, "that seems like a you problem".
If they're nice, it only makes the running away worse. Because even people who try to help, even them have a limit, and even them will want to attend to their own needs first eventually. No matter how selfless or sacrifice they're willing to put at first, in the end they will leave, because they will see that their attempts are useless, futile, that will hurt their ego, they'll see other people living their best lives and they'll want to live it too. And since they can, they will.
... Unlike me, and I'm sure other people too, who have lived their entire lives in deep, deep sadness. Something these people who try to help and be nice don't ever understand, is how this isn't anything new. I don't know anything else. I don't know love. I don't know happiness. How could I? But they assume I have because they have. They cannot understand how on earth we can be so different. And yet, we are.
And I haven't even talked about danger. Living in such deep sadness, people trying to help but finally running away... it really messes your head. To the point of really wanting to hurt others in revenge, or to exert justice in some way, even to those who have done nothing. Because "if I have done nothing but I'm still suffering so much, why should others who have also done nothing live in such happiness?".
You may understand at an intellectual level that they're just trying to help, they see they can't, then seeing how helpless they are, they just go on with their own lives, leaving you completely alone again. But what should you do then? Why should they pursue happiness and achieve it, while you rotten every single day so so slowly and painfully?
It's been more than 10 years, and I still wish I would've been left to die. Then maybe I could know peace.
It may be hard to accept at first, but we really should extend the freedom of death to more people. That's true care and love. It really is.
Some of us will have a meltdown no matter what. Will be unhappy no matter what. No matter how much other people try to help us or think solutions, there's no changing a person which wasn't meant for this life in the first place. I know, I tried my best. I know how hard I tried to find at least a shine of hope. To try to see the good in life. To try to be happy. I know everything I've tried, and anyone who says "if you work on yourself, eventually things will be ok" simply don't have the slightest idea what they're talking about. They're just following recipes, hopeless to find words that can help. In worst cases, they direct the blame at you, "that seems like a you problem".
If they're nice, it only makes the running away worse. Because even people who try to help, even them have a limit, and even them will want to attend to their own needs first eventually. No matter how selfless or sacrifice they're willing to put at first, in the end they will leave, because they will see that their attempts are useless, futile, that will hurt their ego, they'll see other people living their best lives and they'll want to live it too. And since they can, they will.
... Unlike me, and I'm sure other people too, who have lived their entire lives in deep, deep sadness. Something these people who try to help and be nice don't ever understand, is how this isn't anything new. I don't know anything else. I don't know love. I don't know happiness. How could I? But they assume I have because they have. They cannot understand how on earth we can be so different. And yet, we are.
And I haven't even talked about danger. Living in such deep sadness, people trying to help but finally running away... it really messes your head. To the point of really wanting to hurt others in revenge, or to exert justice in some way, even to those who have done nothing. Because "if I have done nothing but I'm still suffering so much, why should others who have also done nothing live in such happiness?".
You may understand at an intellectual level that they're just trying to help, they see they can't, then seeing how helpless they are, they just go on with their own lives, leaving you completely alone again. But what should you do then? Why should they pursue happiness and achieve it, while you rotten every single day so so slowly and painfully?
It's been more than 10 years, and I still wish I would've been left to die. Then maybe I could know peace.
It may be hard to accept at first, but we really should extend the freedom of death to more people. That's true care and love. It really is.
