Not good enough for suicide?

[224]

Does anyone else feel like they aren't good enough to ctb. My brain tells myself that I am faking it or being over dramatic with my depression and suicidal attempts because their r times in the day that I am ok. I mean every day I contemplait ctb. The reasons I have to ctb is my anxiety is so so severe that I just want my brain to stop and be at peace. I don't want my brain to be running 100mph everyday it is so exhausting. I suffer from ptsd from verbal, physical, and sexual abuse from family members. My mom tells me to ctb and is beyond toxic to me and I live with her so I can't do it anymore. I hate society and find this world to be way too cruel to stay in and all around I just want to leave. I am not having fun. I am always stressed and I absolutely hate myself. So I have reasons to ctb but my brain tells me I am not enough to be depressed or not enough to be suicidal. But I think thats also bc I do not know life without mental illness and I just think being this upset is normal until I talk to someone who does not suffer from mental illness. I guess its just my anxiety always judging me. Does anyone else have this problem?

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Self-doubt and imposter syndrome is a big part of depression and other mental illnesses. It's an inherent part of depression that you not only hate yourself, but think you're not good enough for whatever it is you're currently doing or planning.

I just think being this upset is normal until I talk to someone who does not suffer from mental illness.

You're right - being this upset isn't normal for people not suffering from mental illness. But for people who are, it's not abnormal at all. What's good is that you do have times that are ok. What makes those times okay? Is it being occupied with something, or talking to someone etc.? I try to take note of those things and increase my exposure to them.

 

[MrBlue]

I'm sorry you're feeling like shit. I get the same feeling alot, and I often think I deserve to suffer for longer instead of ctb. A better person, or even basic human being would have been able to improve their situation by now, whereas I'm permanently stuck here.

Even if your anxiety judges you, know that none of us on here will. If you'd like to talk mate then I'd be more than happy to :)